Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Mixed Feelings

Hi Everyone! I made it back safely from my conference. It was a very productive weekend but the travelling was hard on me. I was really sick on Friday. But Saturday I felt good and went to the conference all day and dropped by Disneyland in the evening to see the holiday decorations. I adored the Nightmare Before Christmas version of the Haunted Mansion. Just wonderful!

I wanted to take a moment and respond to Daisy's comment on my "announcement" post. We tried for five months before getting pregnant. I honestly thought it would take longer. I have watched so many of my friends struggle with infertility and miscarriages. I entered into trying for a baby from a very pragmatic place. I didn't believe it would happen right away and I even convinced myself that I would probably have problems conceiving. For no particular reason. Gary and I took a very laid-back approach. When I realized that I was pregnant, you could have knocked me over with a feather. Since then, I have been worrying about miscarriage. Now that I am at twelve weeks and have heard the heartbeat, the chances of miscarriage are low but I still worry.

I also feel a sense of guilt that the process has been relatively easy for me while so many of my friends have struggled. I think to myself, "Why did I get so lucky? What right do I have to be so blessed?" But then, I just remind myself to be thankful. There will be other issues down the line for me. For example, I will not be able to be a stay-at-home mom. I probably won't even be able to work part-time. It is expensive to live here and our excellent insurance comes through my job so I have to keep working. That is going to be a real challenge for me. But I guess I just have to have faith that things will work out.

I'll keep you posted as things progress. In the meantime, I'm counting my blessings.

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