Monday, December 27, 2004
Speaking if which...I saw "A Very Long Engagement" which was quite good. I love the director Jean Pierre Jeunet. Very creative. Don't go expecting "Amelie." It's more of a war movie/mystery/love story. I also saw "Andrew Lloyd Webber's Phantom of the Opera." I liked it. If you liked the musical, you'll probably like the movie because it is just the same. Except without Sarah Brightman and Michael Crawford. I have to say the Phantom is much sexier than Raoul. Christine is a fool.
Wednesday, December 22, 2004
I went to Texas last weekend. Flew into Dallas, then flew to Austin, then drove to San Antonio for a day. Visited all my old haunts. I was surprised by how much I miss Dallas. Everything there just felt so familiar and comfortable. All the pretty houses, the great restaurants and stores. We went to the new Nasher Sculpture Garden which was really cool. Dallas seems to be improving. And I'm enjoying getting to know Austin. It's a little more provincial than Dallas but it has a lot to offer. Makes me realize how much I miss Texas. It's one of those things where you don't realize how much you've missed it until you get there.
Thursday, December 16, 2004
I am very short-tempered. This is nothing new. I have been better about controlling it lately, though. I tend to get easily irritated and I'm very short on patience. But, although I anger quickly, I am also quick to get over it. Lately, I've been trying just to keep it in and let myself simmer down before reacting. Because the fact of the matter is, I don't like conflict. I'm not afraid of it but I just prefer everyone to get along.
My problems with my co-worker G. have reached a new level. Actually, a new low. Her constant picking on me, criticizing me and finding fault have finally pushed me over the edge. She really irritates me but I keep it to myself. I don't confront her. I just silently stew until I get over it or I vent to a friend. G. feels the need to confront me constantly. What makes this difficult is that she only has a problem with me. Everyone else thinks she is all sweetness and light. Her actions have brought me to the point that I want to call in sick on days when I know I will be working with her. I'm always on edge because I worry about what I will do today that will make her mad. And it's never intentional. I don't like fighting and I don't want to cause problems. But I always seem to do something to piss her off. I will think that things are moving along merrily and all of a sudden she will confront me with something out of left field. It actually makes my stomach hurt just thinking about it.
Yesterday, I submitted a formal complaint in writing to my boss. I didn't know what else to do. I don't want to be a trouble-maker and I don't want to be one of those people who runs to tattle on her co-worker. I have never dealt with this before in a work situation and it's really hard. I prefer to deal with things on my own. But I'm tired of being constantly attacked. It's creating a hostile working environment for me. So, I'm meeting with my boss today to discuss it. And I'm really nervous about it. But I have to do something. I'm tired of dreading going to work.
Thursday, December 09, 2004
Which makes me a real hardass at the library. Where my co-workers are likely to let certain things slide, I won't. I hardly ever cancel fines because I don't think it's fair to other people. You do the crime, you do the time. Some part of me feels that rules are there for a reason. That they create order in society. And I don't like bending or breaking them. This is both a good and bad thing. But definitely something I need to recognize about myself.
Wednesday, December 08, 2004
I'm not out to change anyone's mind or force religion on anyone. I would feel just as frustrated if someone had been talking about temples or mosques. Maybe pretty windows and music ARE a starting point for some people. But I don't think that's the case with these people.
Going to church serves specific purposes. Worship and fellowship. I find that if I don't go to church for long periods of time that I start to get moody and upset without knowing why. Spirituality is not just a solitary thing. We all need our private time for prayer, reflection and meditation. But part of Christianity is also fellowship with your other Christians. I love going to church (even though I go alone and I don't know anyone) and just being with other people who share my beliefs. I love the congregational confessions of sins and raising our voices in song for worship.
There is a time and a place for everything. Many places of worship DO have beautiful architecture that everyone should enjoy. AND beautiful music. But if you just want to sing Christmas carols, there are plenty of other places to do that. And if you just want to check out the windows, you can do that at other times. It is a mockery of people who actually go to spiritual venues to worship to make fun of their beliefs, their sermons etc and just go there as a tourist. If I believed that the woman in the conversation was actually serious about trying out different churches and/or faiths, I wouldn't be offended. But I don't care for looky-loos who just want to hang out and look at decorations.
I will always welcome people to my church who come in a spirit of learning and/or fellowship. Who come with a sense of respect. The same respect that I would carry with me into a place of worship of another faith. My friends who have commented thus far are all correct. People start down the road of faith from different places. For some, music and art can be starting points. And I agree with that. I just don't want people coming to my church to hang out and then disrespect those of us who come there to worship.
Tuesday, December 07, 2004
Look it up in its entirety at:
It is called "The Breaking Point" by Paul Campos. He writes about staring at a parked Ford Excursion in a shopping mall parking lot and how the sight of this vehicle slowly makes him mad. Here are a few excerpts:
"The most awe-inspiring feature of this particular Excursion is a plastic decal shaped like a yellow ribbon, which its owner has affixed to the back door. The ribbon is embossed with the message, "Support Our Troops." ...
To the owner of the Ford Excursion who implores us to Support Our Troops I say this: You, sir, (or madam) are a monumental jackass. At this moment, American troops are risking their lives to protect your inalienable right to live your life in an impenetrable fog of selfishness and stupidity.
If not for the need to service this grotesque monstrosity on which you squander your money and that of the taxpayers who subsidize your comfortably numb life, those troops you support would not be getting killed and maimed in a country I doubt you could find on a map.
I sometimes wonder if anything short of dynamite can shatter your complacent fantasy that the Iraq war is about bringing democracy to the Middle East.
The truth is that every Arab from Casablanca to Khartoum could be cutting his brother's throat, and yet this would remain a matter of indifference to our government, if not for the need to ensure that you will be able to fill your Excursion with cheap gasoline.
To expect others to sacrifice everything for you, while advertising by your own behavior that you will sacrifice exactly nothing for them, is the height of political and social immorality. And to do so while claiming your political views are an expression of "moral values" is an obscene joke.
Drive off, Ford Excursion. Head back to your gated community, to patiently await the Rapture, or the next Nordstrom's sale. You've driven me past the limits of pundit endurance, and I long to return to the world of thoughtful observation. "
Hear, hear Professor Campos! Maybe he read my blog a few weeks ago when I complained about those ubiquitous yellow ribbons and how they seem quite shallow and superficial. This article gave me a much-needed laugh. Har har.
Monday, December 06, 2004
Older Woman: I'd like to go to church for Christmas but I don't want to go alone. And I don't know where to go.
Younger Woman: What kind of church are you looking for?
Older woman: Well, I really like churches with beautiful windows and pretty music. There is one over on the DU campus. It's Catholic, I think.
Man: It's not Catholic. It's unaffiliated.
Younger Woman: Just as well. Catholics are so weird about stuff.
Older woman: Well, I just want pretty windows and pretty music. I don't care about sermons. I never listen anyway.
Younger Woman: Yeah, me neither. I just like to look around. Sermons are boring. Don't go to a Lutheran church. They are just like Catholics. Someone once told me, if you are Catholic, you'll feel really comfortable in a Lutheran church because they are exactly the same.
Older woman: Well, I'll just try and find a pretty church. I don't care what kind it is.
Now, you know I was just dying to butt into this conversation. I'll talk about my thoughts on it tomorrow. For now, just enjoy the crazy things that people say. I get so tired of my fellow human beings sometimes.
How did Jesus do it?
1. A man standing on the sidewalk a week ago ripping up a "Pete Coors for Senate" poster and then stomping on the pieces. Hey buddy! Calm down! We won! We don't need to be angry.
2. an old lady driving a bright yellow Volkswagon bug (cute!)
3. a pickup truck with a beauty school mannequin head dangling from under the back bumper...the guy had painted it to look bloody
4. a truck speeding by with a giant bronze bear in the bed facing forward like it was a parade float
I'm going to keep adding to this list because it's crazy out there!
Wednesday, December 01, 2004
A book or movie is "brain sorbet" when you use it cleanse your palate. So to speak. For instance, I am reading the new Agatha Raisin mystery right now. It's fluffy and uncomplicated and you can read it in a night. I sometimes read books like that in between more complicated works of literature just to give my brain a rest. You know, it's "brain sorbet."
My friend Greg says that works with movies too. Sometimes you need a fluffy silly little film in the middle of watching a bunch of complex ones just to give your brain a rest.
We all need a bit of fluff now and then.
Monday, November 29, 2004
I need a new job. If anyone knows any good websites, books, etc on how to find a nonprofit job, let me know. I just can't stand being at the library anymore. I'm constantly in a bad mood and I snap at customers. I'm becoming one of those grouchy DMV people.
Gary gave me my Christmas present early and I am now the proud owner of an iPOD. I love it! It can hold 10,000 songs so I'm not likely to fill it up anytime soon. All I want to do is just sit in front of my computer and download songs for my iPOD. I even got it this cute pink leather protective cover. I'm going to have lots and lots of fun with it.
Tuesday, November 23, 2004
THINGS THAT I AM THANKFUL FOR
1.Gary (the Love of my Life)
2. My Friends and Family (they're basically the same thing)
3. My lovely home
4. Having a job
5. Being surrounded by likeminded people
6. the opportunity to volunteer and help others
7. my cat, Toulouse
8. free DVDs at the library
9. books, books, books
10. cool museums in Denver
11. cards and letters in the mail
12. unexpected surprises
13. Cherry Creek Mall
14. good health
15. opportunities to travel and see the world
HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!
Friday, November 19, 2004
The Dewey Diaries chronicles true-life tales from an unnamed Colorado library. You'll get to read all about the crazy customers and day-to-day moments of several disgruntled library workers. Check it out. (no pun intended)
Thursday, November 18, 2004
THEN, this guy that used to stalk me at the library showed up again today. I thought he had finally given up because he hasn't really bothered me lately. Well, today he showed up with a pink rose for me.
THEN, this crazy guy who always causes problems came in and started yelling about how good I look today. He asked me why I was dressed up and I told him it was because I have an event to go to tonight. (I'm doing a Junior League facilitation) So he said, "Well, tell me where you're going 'cause I wanna be there!" with this lascivious grin. My friend and co-worker Gary was mortified by the guy's behavior. This customer is a Class A Pig.
I guess this tells me that I should stick to jeans and plain shirts for work and never dress up. I'm telling you, it's raining crazy people and stalkers today. Is it a full moon or something?
Tuesday, November 16, 2004
You speak eloquently and have seemingly read every
book ever published. You are a fountain of
endless (sometimes useless) knowledge, and
never fail to impress at a party.What people love: You can answer almost any
question people ask, and have thus been
nicknamed Jeeves.What people hate: You constantly correct their
grammar and insult their paperbacks.
What Kind of Elitist Are You?
I went to see "Polar Express" with a lot of misgivings. I'm usually a purist about books and I didn't like the idea of one of my favorites being made into a weird-looking movie. But I actually enjoyed it. I even got teary-eyed at the end. I think seeing that movie officially opened my holiday season.
Now, I don't typically care that much about getting presents. I really don't. I get the most enjoyment out of GIVING presents. But if I were to make a "pie in the sky" list for Santa this year it would be:
1) 20 or 40 GB I-Pod
2) Kodak digital camera like Sara's
3) anything off my Amazon wish list
4) lots of frequent flyer miles!!!!!
5) gift certificates to restaurants and movie theaters
I'm so looking forward to Thanksgiving. Only a week away!
Monday, November 15, 2004
A few hours after the planes hit the World Trade Center, I was driving down I-25 and saw a man standing on an overpass waving an American flag for all he was worth. It kind of brought tears to my eyes. It was a small statement of both solidarity and spirit. It said, "we will not be defeated and we will never give up." Well, that statement was quickly corrupted for me when everyone started driving around with flags covering their automobiles.
It was like everyone had to jump on the flag-waving bandwagon. (as comedian David Cross puts it) Now, the latest trend in Denver is for everyone to put those ridiculous large magnetic yellow ribbons on their cars that say "Support Our Troops." Those magnets just really offend me. Honestly, who doesn't "support our troops?" What those magnets really mean is "support the war." Just because I don't believe that my fellow Americans should be sent across the ocean to die for a cause I don't believe in doesn't mean that I don't SUPPORT THE TROOPS! One of my dearest friends has been serving over in the Middle East during all of this mess. He knows I support the troops. I don't need a bumper sticker to say "Hey, look at me, I'm a patriot!" Being a patriot doesn't mean accepting whatever your leadership says without questioning. It doesn't mean always going with the norm and never standing up for what you truly believe in. It doesn't mean vilifying people who happen to have a difference of opinion. And it doesn't stop at simply waving flags around and covering your car in propaganda.
Being a patriot means loving your country and fighting to make it the best that it can be. It means standing up for what you believe in even if it isn't popular opinion. It means going out to vote and campaigning for the candidate you believe in. And even if your candidate loses, it means working to make sure that you keep the winner honest by bombarding him or her with lobbying e-mails, letters and phone calls.
I don't need a sticker or a ribbon or even a flag to tell the world that I'm a patriot and that I support the troops. I just have to live my life like I do.
Saturday, November 13, 2004
"And yet the words the Gospel writers have Jesus speaking--"This is my commandment: love one another as I have loved you"--still have a hold on me. So while I feel that Jesus as I understood him would not be down with the intolerance aired onstage, I also feel that he wouldn't want me to be standing here seething with bitter and self-righteous feelings. Jesus might even feel moved to remind me that is was Christianity that helped me to build a strong sense of purpose and self-respect--qualities that drove me to excel at school and eventually got me to New York. Jesus made me who I am today, I suppose. And I'm still having a hard time deciding whether that's something to value or to regret, or both. Sometimes it seems that all I got from those years of churchgoing was the inability to lie. But my religious education also taught me to value people and ideas over money. It taught me that abstract concepts of love and justice and mercy can be, should be made real. It gave me--pardon the expression--character.
It happened that before I got religion I got feminism, and it was religion that introduced me to the notion that there was more to life than boys; it helped me to avoid the messes girls get into when they can't see any other way to feel good about themselves.....Christianity tells you that you are destined for something more than life on earth, and while I wasn't particularly looking forward to heaven--it seemed at once terrifying and boring--I did respond to the idea that we were more than our bodies..."
It's a thoughtful article and I recommend that you look it up and read it.
I feel that Christianity made me who I am today. I did learn values from the adults around me growing up but most of those adults were in the religious sphere.
Can you be a moral person without religion? Of course you can. But I like what Christianity has taught me and I like the examples that is sets. And I hope to raise my children in the church someday. While their godless communist of a father sits at home and watches football. (just kidding Gary)
Wednesday, November 10, 2004
It seems like people are just rude and self-centered nowadays. There is a great article in the new issue of ELLE magazine about people and their food hangups. You can't have a good old-fashioned dinner party anymore without worrying who's a vegetarian, who is on Atkins, who isn't eating sugar, who is only eating white foods this month. You practically have to get a list of people's food issues before you have a party and then try to figure out what the heck to serve.
The only food issues I really have are that I don't eat veal or lamb and I try to avoid red meat for personal reasons. I really can't eat veal or lamb. It makes me sick. But if I'm served red meat, I'll eat it because I don't want to offend my host. I would never want to embarrass someone over food they are serving me when I am the guest.
I have also experienced the following:
1) When you make plans with someone and then cancel for a better offer....that's rude.
2) When you show up to a dinner party or special event and bring someone who wasn't invited without asking...that's rude.
3) When someone brings you a host/hostess gift and then you make a big show about how you don't like it...that's rude.
4) When you show up late or make people wait on you when you are a guest...that's rude.
5) When you complain about what you are being served when you are a guest...that's rude.
What is so hard about just being polite? If you don't like something on your plate, just push it aside. Don't eat it. And don't make a big deal about it. When you RSVP in the affirmative for an event, you should go unless you are sick or something major comes up. People plan events according to RSVPs and it's rude to cancel for no good reason at the last minute. Also, if you have RSVP'd in the negative, don't show up at the last minute after all.
What is so hard about all of this? I'm not perfect but I'm making an effort to be more polite. I'm even reading classics of etiquette like Leticia Baldridge and Emily Post. Because common courtesy goes a long way in keeping people from getting offended and having their feelings hurt.
Monday, November 08, 2004
We Democrats really dropped the ball this time around. And I think pieces like this one and others that have come out in the last week (such as works by Arianna Huffington and comments by Bill Maher) have really pointed out where we fell apart. Hopefully, we can learn from all of this and move on. But the one thing I really agree with and that I've been thinking a lot about is this trend to combine religion and politics. And not just any religion, it HAS to be Christianity. The separation of church and state is becoming more and more ambiguous and that troubles me because that way of thinking excludes a large portion of our country. I"ve always thought one of our strengths was our diversity, open-mindedness and inclusiveness. Well, at least we still have diversity. Anyway, check out the article. It's very thoughtful.
Thursday, November 04, 2004
"Wake up kids
We've got the dreamers disease
Age 14 we got you down on your knees
So polite, you're busy still saying please
Fri - enemies, who when you're down ain't your friend
Every night we smash their Mercedes - Benz
First we run and then we laugh till we cry
But when the night is falling
And you cannot find the light
If you feel your dream is dying
You've got the music in you
Don't let go
You've got the music in you
One dance left
This world is gonna pull through
Don't give up
You've got a reason to live
you only get what you give
Four a. m. we ran a miracle mile
Were flat broke but hey we do it in style
The bad rich
God's flying in for your trial
This whole damn world can fall apart
You'll be ok follow your heart
You're in harms way
I'm right behind
Now say youre mine
What's real can't die
You only get what you give
Just dont be afraid to leave
Health insurance rip off lying FDA big bankers buying
Fake computer crashes dining
Cloning while they're multiplying
Fashion mag shoots
With the aid of 8 dust brothers
Courtney Love and Marilyn Manson
You're all fakes
Run to your mansions
We'll kick your ass in!
Don't let go
One dance left
Championed by a soulless media misleading
People unaware they're bleeding
No one with a brain is believing
It's so sad you lost the meaning
Never knew it anyway
Human natures so predictable
I'm a fool to do your dirty work whoa, whoa "
Kerry supporters....you've got the music in you. Don't lose faith.
Wednesday, November 03, 2004
Time will tell what will happen. I predict we will engage in other wars no one understands simply for the agenda and profit of Bush and his cronies. (Halliburton seems to be making lots of money off Iraq already so Bush can check that off his list) More Americans will die on foreign soil for reasons none of us can understand. The poor will get poorer. Unemployment will be higher. Gays will be persecuted more than ever. The draft will be reinstated. (and now they are saying it will include women ages 18-34) And we WILL be attacked again because the world hates us now.
The nation voted for Bush because they felt he was the "moral" choice. Well, if you want to vote for a leader on the basis of his stance on abortion and gay marriage and how much he publicizes his church attendance, then you voted for the right person. Because, after all, that's all we really need in a leader, right?
But Kerry is also a Christian. He just doesn't use it for political gain. And sometimes morality means more than just being anti-abortion. How about programs for the poor? Better education? Better healthcare? More equality? Basic domestic issues that Bush chooses to ignore in the name of flashy media-grabbing wars. Bush does not speak to the lowest common denominator. As he has said many times, his "base" consists of the wealthiest elite. He doesn't care about you. You don't have enough money to mean anything to him.
So, congratulations Bush supporters. You got us four more years of benefits for the elite few. I hope it was worth it.
Saturday, October 30, 2004
I know some of you are still on the fence and I understand that. If you don't feel Kerry is the better man for the job, don't vote for him. But don't vote for Bush either.
What exactly has Bush done for you lately? Seriously.
His biggest campaign issue is National Security. If you believe Bush really makes America safer, check out Richard Clark's book AGAINST ALL ENEMIES. Richard Clark is nonpartison. He was the terrorism czar under Bush and worked under every White House president since Reagan. 9/11 happened on Bush's watch and for good reason. He and his staff chose to ignore repeated warnings from intelligence and refused to spend any money to set up the National Security office that Clinton's administration had left plans for. Now, he talks all about this new Homeland Security thing he set up. He had the opportunity to do that BEFORE 9/11 and did not. In retrospect, it seems pretty piss poor.
His domestic policies are so bad that many Republicans are switching parties. Yes, Bush gave most of us $300 but in the long run, does that really help? By doing that insignificant tax cut, he was forced to cut many valuable programs. And even though he got things like No Child Left Behind passed, he allocated no money for the programs.
He ran Texas into the ground as governor and now he is doing the same to our country. Isn't it time for a change?
Monday, October 25, 2004
There are these great lyrics in Heather Combs' song "Hold Me Now" that make me think of him.
"so afraid of everything i feel but wanting you with all my might
and this is not what i expected, oh but you turned my head
this is not what i expected, it's everything i've needed
it's the way you touch me
the way you see my heart
the way you whisper my name
when we're lying in the dark
the way you take my words
and keep the secrets that you know
the way you hold me
baby don't you let me go"
I think part of me is always asking Gary not to let me go. Maybe I'm having trouble reconciling my little brain to the idea that someone as wonderful as him isn't going to disappear in a puff of smoke. This is certainly not what I expected. But it truly is everything I needed.
I cancelled my subscriptions to the Denver Post/Rocky Mountain News this morning. They both came out endorsing Bush. But the surprising thing was that the editorials were very negative about Bush. Basically, they spent the whole endorsement saying how bad he is and then they endorsed him! I feel they cannot be fair and balanced. Ever since Reagan got rid of the Fairness in media, our media outlets are controlled by a few. We can't get any real unbiased reporting anymore. I have to read the Guardian online to get any decent news about my own country. How sad is that?
Anyway, I'm feeling more confident than ever that Kerry will win. How anyone can still be a Bush supporter after everything that has come to light about him amazes me. I'm not saying people need to be Kerry supporters. But how can anyone in good conscience vote for Bush? I don't get it. Are they just that ignorant and uninformed? It's really amazing.
Friday, October 22, 2004
Today, I'm listening to my new CD "Heather Combs Band Live at the Little Fox." Heather is a friend of Gary's and her band is quite popular in the Bay Area. He took me to see them play and they were great! I was so impressed I decided I had to have all of their CDs. They have such a great rockin' sound and, on top of that, all of them are so nice. They have all been really welcoming and warm towards me and I appreciate that. Heather even joked that she would play at my and Gary's wedding someday. It's nice to be able to mark that off the list! ;)
Anyway, if you're looking for something new to listen to, check out their website in my blog links. Also, if you're in the Bay Area, go to their show. You won't be disappointed.
Monday, October 18, 2004
As I sat there during the ceremony, it didn't seem strange to me at all. All I saw was two people in love making a commitment to each other in front of family and friends. It was wonderful. They weren't doing it because society expected it of them or because it was the conventional thing to do. They did it out of sincere love and commitment for one another.
I've seen lots of heterosexual marriages I don't respect. It seems that divorce and infidelity are becoming the standards of the day. Marriage is tough. Really hard work I feel that if people actually want to go through all of that together, they should be allowed to. It's not let heterosexuals are setting a particularly good example.
And if some of you are so concerned about defining marriage as being between a man and woman that you need an amendment about it. Fine. But then you must start giving homosexual couples the same rights as married ones. Even if you don't define them as married. Because it's the right thing to do and our country wasn't founded on discrimination. We need equality across the board and true liberty and justice for ALL.
Tuesday, October 05, 2004
I watched the premiere episodes of "Desperate Housewives" last night and I really liked it. But it got me thinking about a subject that has been running around in my head lately.
On Alanis Morrisette's new albums, there is a line in the first song that says,
"How to hate women when you're supposed to be a feminist."
Why is this such a problem for women? I saw an episode of "The Apprentice" and the women's team is always fighting and bitching and back-stabbing each other. Can we not work together and support each other? Why do we always have to be so competitive and catty with one another? Even without meaning to I think we sometimes find ourselves silently criticizing other women's appearances. Their clothes. Their makeup. Their hair. Their weight. Especially their weight! And we are quick to label each other bitches and sluts and battleaxes and bimbos.
These days, we are taught to be strong and independent. But we try so hard to fulfill those roles that we often cannot work together. Given a choice to be on an all-female team or be the only female on an all-male team, I would choose the all-male team. I find my friendships with the men in my life to be so much easier. And I'm not sure why. Maybe men are just more upfront about who they are and what they are thinking.
There is a book that came out a few years ago called "Woman's Inhumanity to Woman" about this phenomenon where women are no longer supportive of one another but in constant competition with each other. I wish we could start working on this. It's time for us to be supportive of one another instead of tearing each other down.
Thursday, September 30, 2004
The second reason that today is a big day is that I went home at lunch and found the NEIMAN MARCUS CHRISTMAS BOOK in my mailbox. Woohoo!!! I look forward to this catalog every year. I love flipping through it to find out what fantasy gifts they are offering each year. This year's fantasy gifts include your own personal bowling alley and your own personal Zeppelin that carries 15 people! Neiman Marcus has always been a special place for me and my immediate family. I can remember going with my mom and dad to visit the Neiman Marcus Holiday Shop at Christmastime and going to see the fabulous window displays downtown. I also get to each at the downtown Zodiac tea room, shop for food goodies at the Epicurean, eat lunch the Little Mermaid, visit the animatronic History of Neiman Marcus showcase and visit the many fabulous Fortnight events they had throughout the 1980's . Yes, it's decadent and expensive but it is so fun to walk through . All the pretty clothes and baubles. You don't even have to buy anything to have a good time. Sometimes, when I'm feeling out of sorts, I drive to the mall just to walk through Neiman Marcus. And sometimes, I'll find something special, like the Christmas gift I bought for mom this year.
Neiman Marcus....the OTHER happiest place on earth.
Wednesday, September 29, 2004
"I walk along the city streets
So dark with rage and fear
And I...I wish that I could be that bird
And fly away from here
I wish I had the wings to fly away from here
But my my I feel so low
My my where do I go ?
My my what do I know ?
My my we reap what we sow
They always said that you knew best
But this little bird's fallen out of that nest now
I've got a feeling that it might have been blessed
So I've just got to put these wings to test
For I am just a troubled soul
Who's weighted...Weighted to the ground
Give me the strength to carry on
Till I can lay this burden down
Give me the strength to lay this burden down down down yeah
Give me the strength to lay it down"
I like the idea of strengthening our wings and putting them to the test with flying. It's so easy to live in fear but I sometimes you just have to make that leap of faith. I haven't been really depressed since college. And now that I've made that leap of faith with Gary, I really do feel like I could fly away. I'm just happy all the time. It's crazy.
Monday, September 27, 2004
Wednesday, September 22, 2004
I just found out this morning that my cousin Molly who is very mentally ill (and a few years younger than me) has been missing for a week. My aunt and uncle have contacted the police and found out her cell phone hasn't been used since last Tuesday. This has very profoundly affected me and I'm trying to keep it together while I'm work at today and not fall apart.
I am asking that, if you are so inclined, you put my cousin Molly and my family in your prayers and thoughts. She is very naive and has been very sheltered so I'm very worried about what could happen to her. So, please pray that she will be brought home safely. I know she won't be far from my thoughts today. And every day until she is brought home.
Tuesday, September 21, 2004
As for tonight, Amy H. and I will be hitting the Sting/Annie Lennox concert. It may even be snowing when we leave the Pepsi Center tonight. I'll let you know how it goes...
Monday, September 20, 2004
A fourth-grade boy said, "Why don't we just sell it to Egypt? That way no one gets it."
I have been reading a contemporary Christian book called YEARNING by Barnes and it has a lot of good stuff in it. Barnes talks a lot about the modern preoccupation with fulfillment. Especially in the guise of self-help and therapy. And he posits the question as to whether God means for us to be fulfilled. It's very interesting. One part in particular caught my attention. It has to do with what Barnes calls "the Christian Subculture."
Here is an excerpt:
"[Christians] pretend that by circling the wagons of the church they can hold off the harshness of the secular world around them. They have their own fellowship groups, jargon, hero figures, music (both sacred and rock) and even political lobbyists. It adds up to an isolated religious culture created to protect them, and their children, from the arrows of secular influence. The effect is to put the church in competition with the world rather than in loving mission to it."
I think this is a common problem with Christianity today. I especially see it with some of my family members. One of my pastors told us in bible study that he really doesn't like the whole LEFT BEHIND series phenomena. The problem with focusing on being taken out of the world and leaving people behind is that Christianity is supposed to be about our mission WITHIN the world. Sharing the good news with others. Not setting ourselves apart from everyone else. I know a lot of Christians take issue with how I live my life. But I think God put us all here for a reason. And while I am alive, I intend to live IN the world. Not isolate myself from it.
Monday, September 13, 2004
In OUT OF AFRICA, Karen says, "When the gods want to punish you, they answer your prayers."
A long time ago, I asked God to send me someone to share my life who I would have lots in common with. He sent me Erik. An only child who liked all the same things I did. But he was never around, didn't understand me and never really loved me.
So, the next time around, after dating a few losers, I asked God to send me someone who appreciated me and was crazy about me. He sent me Nick. A man who made me feel adored and appreciated. But Nick was a workaholic who had very low self-esteem and ended to things to "protect" me. The timing was bad.
So, I dated around again and then decided to get more specific. I asked God for someone who not only loved me but also had time for me. So, I got Bill. Bill cared about me and was always with me but we had nothing in common and nothing to really build upon. Plus, Bill was embarrassed to be seen with me in public although he had plenty of private time for me. Our values and beliefs were completely different and always at odds.
So, I dated around again and decided that I needed to be very specific this time. So, I asked God for someone who was smart, funny, emotionally available, fun to be with, adventurous, kind and generous, passionate, liberal-minded, supportive of my Christianity, and goal-oriented. Someone who would get along with my friends and be willing to go out and do things instead of sit around at home. Someone who would take an interest in the world around him. Someone who would love me for who I really am and not some vision of how they wanted me to be. Someone who would be proud to be with me and who could handle my occasional craziness. And to be sure my message was a good one, I recruited a few friends to pray for me.
And God sent me Gary.
And it was good.
Wednesday, September 08, 2004
a) he had prior felonies
b) the evidence was overwhelming
c) his wife was testifying against him
He wouldn't settle for anything less than dismissal of all charges. So, he fired his attorney saying he could defend himself better. He certainly changed his mind later on.
The defendant was the ringleader in an organized fraudulant check-writing ring. He and his wife "recruited" a few people from shelters who were poor and drug addicts and had them do the check-writing. They created check and false IDs on their computers using Versicheck and Adobe Photoshop. I'm sure it just started out as a way for them to buy groceries and things for their family. But in the end, they bought computers, large screen televisions and were driving a Lexus.
It was really odd to be sitting in judgment of someone else. I mean, I'm not perfect. Who am I to decide someone else's fate? But even though I felt some sympathy for the guy, he was guilty. That's all there is to it. There are lots of people out there struggling and they don't turn to crime. I'm just lucky I'm so blessed in my life.
"Oh, my life is good. I've got more than anyone should."
Tuesday, September 07, 2004
Friday, August 27, 2004
Tuesday, August 24, 2004
I was presented with yellow roses and wine. I got chaffeured around California, taken to Sonoma wineries, wined and dined at lovely local restaurants, and escorted to hear a rockin' band play. Gary let me play in a local Petaluma bookstore, patiently waited while I went into every store along Haight and Ashbury, allowed me to rent BIG FISH to watch while drinking the wine I bought at a winery, and generally pampered and spoiled me. How did I get so lucky to be with a guy like Gary?
Monday, August 23, 2004
I know a lot of people (myself included) sometimes feel that advocacy is too much work. We all lead busy lives and don't have time to write letters to our congresspeople over every little issue. But I have found lots of ways to get involved online that take less than five minutes. Many nonprofits have developed easy action websites. You can sign up with your e-mail address and every time some important pertinent legislation comes up, they'll e-mail you about it. Then, you go to the website and click a button to send an e-mail. It's that simple. I do these easy action e-mails for the Natural Resources Defense Council, American Heart Assocation and, locally, the Colorado Coalition for the Homeless and the Children's Hospital of Denver. See if your favorite nonprofits have this handy tool and get involved. It's worth it.
Here's the NRDC link:
Wednesday, August 18, 2004
I got to thinking about homeschooling, though. Most of the homeschooled children that come into our library are very bright and mostly quite polite. But they are all a little strange. I can understand why so many parents would choose to homeschool. You get more individualized attention. You can choose your own curriculum. You can protect your kids. But you also prevent them from experiencing new and different ideas. And you do them the disservice of keeping them from learning to interact with their peers. What will the world be like for these kids who have not developed any social skills or survival skills? One child in particular who comes to the library is beyond precocious. She talks back to adults and is very rude. Her parents tried to send her to camp and she came home after two days because she was homesick and couldn't relate to the other kids. She was used to being the center of attention and constantly coddled.
If people want to homeschool their kids through about fifth grade, I think that's fine. But after that, I think they need to attend school with other kids or they will never successfully integrate.
Saturday, August 14, 2004
Friday, August 13, 2004
Thursday, August 12, 2004
Tuesday, August 10, 2004
Okay, so here is an embarrassing secret...I bought Ashlee Simpson's new CD and it's pretty good. She's still really immature and her music can be fairly simplistic but it has a lot of potential. I really like some of her lyrics.
This one makes me think of Gary: "It seems like I can finally rest my head on something real. I like the way that feels."
Here are a few that resonate with me in general: "I am moody, messy, I get restless and it's senseless how you never seem to care." "Got bruises on my heart and sometimes I get dark."
She'll get better as she gets older and I think she's already better than Jessica.
I am a person who expresses herself through books, movies and music. I always feel like many writers/artists express themselves better than me. They often seem to be able to put into words exactly what I'm feeling. So, I use a lot of quotations. Because I like to be able to clearly reveal what I'm feeling. When I was in college, I felt no one could express me better than Sting. Now, I tend to lean towards female writers/artists. I'm not sure what that says about me but there it is. C.S. Lewis once said, "We read to know we are not alone." I also watch movies and listen to music for that same reason. It's a way to share the human experience.
Monday, August 09, 2004
It was a very long and painful weekend. Work was awful on Saturday so I decided to head out with my friends Anna and Amy for a Girls' Night Out. We haven't done that in a long time and it was a very eventful evening. I don't consider myself a wild girl. I'm mostly a homebody but I do like to go downtown occasionally. We started out at a new lounge called Tryst which was quite nice. Anna and I indulged in a special Van Gogh martini that tasted like chocolate and strawberries. For the grand opening event, we were promised $2 parking in the garage so we brought just enough money for that. Well, we got to the booth and the parking attendant had never hear of that. I was cowering in the backseat while Amy and Anna argued with the guy. He ended up calling the police on us! Anna went to complain to the manager of Tryst and he straightened things out. But what a mess! We then headed to our old standby, Red Square, for some vodka. Our favorite waiter, Pasha, was as demonstrative as ever but really crossed the line when he gave Anna a bigger kiss than necessary. Anna really wanted to go dancing so we then headed to Alley Cat. Anna was her old self and confidently lead us through the VIP entrance. No one questioned us and we ended up going VIP for the entire evening. We hung out with a bachelor party that was there and Anna and I ended up dancing on the stage. (which is not something I typically do) I spent a long time talking with a 24-yr-old cynic who is a campaign manager for a local Democrat. And I thought that I was jaded. Whew! It was a fine night but not something you do every weekend. It's nice to know we still can, though. I love being out with my girls. It almost got my mind off Gary. I look forward to hearing about all of his adventures tonight.
Thursday, August 05, 2004
Wednesday, August 04, 2004
I've never been one for flashy gifts. The things that move me the most are the little gifts given for no particular reason. A random card or letter in the mail can keep me on Cloud Nine for days. A small token or handmade gift sends me over the moon. And I especially love flowers.
I am going to resist the urge to just sit here and gush over how great Gary is. Instead, I'm going to go look at my lovely flowers again. Sigh.
Thursday, July 29, 2004
Tuesday, July 27, 2004
I can't believe I missed Clinton, Gore and Carter last night. I have been told that Clinton's speech was truly inspirational. I read the transcript and thought it quite good. I think in this time of disillusionment, we could all use some inspiration. I am going to go to Barnes and Noble tonight to purchase "How to Change the Worldl," a book about the new wave of social entrepreneurship. This may be just the career I've been looking for. I hope so. Because I'd like to change the world in a positive socially-proactive way. Even if it's just a small change.
Monday, July 26, 2004
So, I tried to hit the campaign trail on Friday. Kerry was here and I got a ticket to go to the rally. He was to be at the Fitzsimmons Base in Aurora. (which is a suburb just east of Denver) I drove out there and parked at Chambers and Colfax to be shuttled over to the site. They told us the shuttles would come back at about 2:30pm to take us back. I was having a refridgerator delivered around 2pm so I figured I would just leave early and walk back to my car. Well, because it was raining, they changed the location and didn't tell us until we were driving off on the shuttle. They had moved the location to the Fillmore Auditorium which is almost downtown on Colfax. (ie. the other side of town) Well, no way could I walk that. They were supposed to let us in at 10am but I was still waiting in line at 11:30am. I decided I would have to give up because I needed to figure out how to get back to my car.
Now, I can get all over Paris on the Metro and London on the Underground but figuring out the Denver bus system is beyond me. Picture this bewildered white girl in a Kerry/Edwards t-shirt wandering up and down Colfax avenues with the hookers asking passersby if they can tell her which bus goes to Aurora and how much it costs. Pretty pathetic, huh? And the Denver bus drivers....not nice. I had two dollars in my pocket and no cell phone so this created quite an adventure. After about half an hour of walking down Colfax, I figured out which bus to take and with great relief handed over my $1.25. I thought this would give me the chance to see Denver in a different way. I watched these two women with a four-year-old boy and little baby. One woman said to the 4-yr-old, "I love you" and he responded, "Kiss my ass." Maybe this wasn't quite the bus adventure I was hoping for. I ended up getting off at the wrong stop and having to walk about 20 minutes to my car (which wasn't bad considering where I had come from). I made it home 15 minutes ahead of the delivery people.
So, all that effort and I didn't get to see Kerry. But I tried. I have my Kerry House Party this Friday night so I hope that will go better. We'll see.
Monday, July 19, 2004
Monday, July 12, 2004
"Everybody knows God is nonpartisan, but I swear Jesus was a liberal--the best, the biggest, the original bleeding heart--the one who embraced the outcasts, the model for us all. Just read the stuff in the New Testament written in red. Don't ever try to convince me that Christianity is right-wing."
Thursday, July 08, 2004
Last night, my cousin Molly sent me an "urgent" e-mail about supporting the Federal Marriage Amendment. She said it was critical that we do so to maintain the sacred institution of marriage. I politely responded by saying I do NOT support the Amendment and never will. That I think it violates civil rights and is wrong on many levels. She then proceeded to send me ANOTHER e-mail on the subject this morning! Now I'm pissed. I sent out an e-mail calling for action AGAINST the Federal Marriage Amendment. Only to my family. They better not send me any more of that crap.
I am so tired of fighting with everyone about religion. I am not Christian ENOUGH for the Christians and I am TOO Christian for those who are not. I can't win with you people so I don't try. I will continue to try and live my life following the example of Jesus as I see it. The only one I have to be square with is God. And as for the rest of you, you can go butt a stump. (as my mom would say)
Tuesday, July 06, 2004
Now, on to gluttony. We, as a country, are a nation of consumers. And we typically consume more than our share. I see this at the library every day. Instead of getting one or two videos or DVDs to last you a few days, I see people regularly checking out 20 videos and 7 DVDs at one time. Because they can. And because they sit their fat behinds on the couch for twelve hours a day. And with our Summer Reading Program, it's all about "What do i get?" I've actually had parents calling the library to find out what the prizes are FIRST before they bother signing their kids up. And it doesn't stop here.
At the Fourth of July parade I saw this weekend, people were actually crawling around on the dirty ground and fighting over the candy, beads and other crap that was being thrown from the floats. Because it's free! And we are a nation of overeaters. In Japan, people eat what we would consider a child's portion for dinner. And we're all about the SUPERSIZE portions here. It really kind of makes me sick to my stomach sometimes.
Thursday, July 01, 2004
Technology is alienating us from ourselves. Now, I'm no Luddite but I sometimes worry that sometime in the future, we will have no human contact. We'll just sit in a cube hooked up to machines that satisfy all of our needs. I know I for one do most of my shopping on the internet now. And I communicate much more through e-mail than I do through phone etc.
I read a scifi short story in high school that talked about this. People lived in little rooms surrounded by computers and never had to get up from their chair or have any human contact. (do you remember that, Kelly?)
Anyway, I worry about that with all this e-mail and blogging that I do. I got to know a friend over the internet one time and it was weird when we finally met up again in person. I had developed a picture in my mind of this "internet" person and meeting him in the flesh didn't seem real. It was awkward for awhile. I wonder if that will be the same with my new e-mail buddy. (Hi Gary!)
As much as technology seems to make our lives easier, it is also corrupting us in many ways and alienating us from each other.
Tuesday, June 29, 2004
"Allegra was a creature of extremes--either stuffed or starving, freezing or boiling, exhausted or electric with energy."
"Allegra...felt things very deeply. It was one of her delightful qualities; she wept with those who wept."
"While Allegra sometimes felt things so deeply you ended up consoling her even when the tragedy was entirely your own."
"In fact, Allegra had instantly recognized herself in the sour Mr. Palmer. She, too, often thought of sharp things to say, and she said them more often than she wished. Mr. Palmer didn't suffer fools and neither did Allegra, but it wasn't something she was proud of. It didn't spring, as Austen suggested, from the desire to appear superior, unless lack of patience was a superior quality."
Yep. That's me. I'm Allegra. In a nutshell.
Monday, June 28, 2004
After my wild weekend, I started thinking more about my Janus lifestyle. If I believed in astrology, I'd say that I'm a true Gemini. I've talked about the dichotomy in my life before but I have a new idea about it. I've always found it difficult to be someone who hangs out at clubs, attends a running and drinking group and has a liberal mentality as well as someone who is tender-hearted, a Sunday school teacher and a proper Junior League lady. This is why I cannot find a Christian man. Because I am too wild for those men. Christianity and my liberal lifestyle don't seem to mix. But then, what if God is using me in a special way. What if I am an example for all those people who are afraid of Christianity because it is too uptight or narrow. What if I'm meant to draw more people in because of my semi-unique way of life and morality? Then again, I'm sure many of my Christian friends would say I'm just trying to justify my sinful lifestyle. But it's still something to think about.
Saturday, June 26, 2004
Friday, June 25, 2004
Tomorrow, I work. Sigh. But then my friend Amy is having a birthday party for our friend Marc. Fun! Sunday, we have our annual Red Dress run for the hash. It coincides with Buskerfest and Pride Fest so that should be interesting. Then, my friend Chucky is taking a few of us to see the new Cirque du Soleil show. He got us VIP tickets and I've never done that before so it should be fun. And then, of course, my weekend will end with Sunday night HBO. Don't ever call me on a Sunday night. I won't answer. I don't watch a lot of t.v., but I love my HBO!
Wednesday, June 23, 2004
The DA VINCI CODE is one of the most overrated books in the history of the written word. I am sick to death of hearing about it and even seeing it.
I read the book in June 2003 before it got really popular. I took it with me to L.A. when I was visiting my friend Maya and read it in about two days. It was a fun fluffy beach read kind of book. Entertaining and fast-paced. But not even close to great literature. There were big inconsistencies, underdeveloped plot lines and overuse of adverbs. It was something on a par with a John Grisham book. But people are treating it as the most life-changing book to come around in recent years. Are we that starved for spiritual fulfillment that we have to look at an action page-turner for enlightenment. Come on, people! Will it really take Oprah to get us back to the classics and great literature? That's pretty sad.
Tuesday, June 22, 2004
Anyway, in NO LIFEGUARD ON DUTY, her friend Alexandra King makes an interesting and amusing observation about men.
"It's like this, see: A man meets a girl and thinks, 'Wow, she is hot and mysterious and exotic and a little dangerous. I am WAY turned on by this bitch.' So they jump into bed and start hanging out and before you know it she's less hot and less exotic and not much of a mystery at all. In fact, she's become completely domesticated. And he looks at her and wonders 'what am I doing with this crashing bore?'"
I think that is how it goes for a lot of us. And that's why long-term relationships can be so tough. Maybe.
My friend Sara sent me this great quote that goes with my blog yesterday:
"Okay, conservatives have changed my mind. Allowing gay marriage, I have been persuaded, will destroy the family, weaken Western civilization, turn America into Sodom and Gomorrah, increase the trade deficit with Japan, endanger the family farm and promote tooth decay. The impeccable logic of conservative opponents is simply too powerful to deny."
--Stephen Chapman, Chicago Tribune columnist
We have a Christian bookstore here called Lifeway. It's a decent store although not as good as some we have in Dallas. They periodically send me circulars in the mail and I got one today. I thought I'd thumb through it and see what new Christian literature was out. But I was flabbergasted to see Dr. James Dobson's new book "Marriage Under Fire." Here's what the blurb says:
"For the past 40 years, the homosexual activist movement has sought to implement a master plan to utterly destroy the family. And in his newest release, Dr. James Dobson addresses the dire ramifications of judicial activism and presents a compelling argument against the legalization of homosexual unions--mobilizing the Christian community to respond to a call of action."
It is stuff like this that makes me embarrassed to be a Christian. First of all, I have never heard of this homosexual master plan. And having quite a few gay friends, I'm sure I would have by now. Second of all, what exactly are Christians afraid of? That the human species will come to an end? We are already overpopulated as it is. Third, the real threat to marriage is promiscuity and lack of monogamy. And those are perpetrated by heterosexuals as well as homosexuals. Wouldn't we rather want to see individuals in loving committed relationships than people out having random meaningless sex? This book and agenda are absolutely ridiculous. Christians should more concerned about things like poverty, poor education and healthcare of children, the fact that we cannot solve the problem of scores of mentally ill people living on the streets, the squalor of low-income housing. Get out of people's bedrooms and start worrying about what is happening on the streets right in front of your eyes, people!
Monday, June 21, 2004
I tried Match.com about 2 years ago and thought I'd see if my profile was still there. It was. But it was hidden. Match has changed a lot in the last few years. Now they have all these compatability tests for you to take. I love taking tests and quizzes so I thought I'd give it a try. The most interesting one involved looking at photographs of various male models and choosing which one you found more attractive. I did what I was told and then the assessment basically said I was very picky and stopped jut short of calling me shallow. It said I liked the best-looking of the men. The typical male-model type. Well, duh. If I'm told to only pick men based on looks, I will naturally choose hunky strong-jawed types. But there is a lot more to attractiveness than just looks. As I said in a previous blog, confidence is very sexy. And intelligence. And a sense of humor. There is a very complicated formula for attraction. It's based on a lot more than looks. But if I have to pick on looks alone, I'm sorry, I'm going for Viggo Mortensen and Hugh Jackman. If that makes me shallow, so be it.
Friday, June 18, 2004
Today, I'm in a rotten mood. I can't wait to go home and get in bed. I am so sick of dating. I hate it. I think one of the main irritating parts of dating is the falsity of it all. Everyone is on his or her best behavior so it's hard to see how they really are. No one says what they are really thinking so you are left guessing. I wish people would just come right out and say what's on their mind. I think that will be my new policy. Full disclosure. In the meantime, I'm going to channel my inner Lara Croft and focus on other things like gym time. Dating be damned!
Wednesday, June 16, 2004
A volunteer that I used to work with at the library named Barbara J. passed away last night. She was such a vibrant interesting person and it's hard to think that she won't be at Virginia Village anymore teaching senior citizens how to use the internet. She couldn't have been older than her early sixties. I look at some senior citizens that come into the library looking frail and old and think about how that is what 60 or 65 looks like. But then I think about people like Barbara J. and my mother and her peer group who are in their late fifties, early sixties and think about how vibrant they are. They are all fit and active and young looking. It's the new way to grow old gracefully. And I don't think it is just a matter of Botox and plastic surgery. I think people are working out, eating better and staying active in their community. And it keeps them young. For a lot of these people, 60 doesn't look like 60 anymore. And maybe that's a good sign for all of us "Quarter plus century" people.
Tuesday, June 15, 2004
I love my house but it would be nice to be in a detached building. I'd love to have a yard or large patio where I could entertain. And have a dog. But I don't think I could maintain that all by myself.
Saturday, June 12, 2004
Thursday, June 10, 2004
Wednesday, June 09, 2004
We had only 4 out of 20 computers up on Monday, no internet and no air conditioning. When it hit 95 inside our building, they finally shut us down. But we had already been working for 5 hours so we stunk and were drenched with sweat. Not to mention exhausted. I went to the doctor that day because my wrist is causing me a lot of pain. They decided it wasn't fractured but may be a pulled ligament/tendon which is just as painful. It makes it hard to do my job with this silly brace on.
Monday night, I went out with Chuck (not to be confused with my friend Chucky) to hear a band play. The bands were good but the crowd was young. Really young. It made me feel like we were as old as the hills. The date went pretty well. I'll keep you posted as things develop. Hopefully.
The other bummer about my job is the nagging about our Summer Reading Program. The greed of our customers is staggering. All they want to know is what the kids get. I want to say, "the knowledge that reading is its own reward" but I can't say that. They have all been outraged that we are not giving out Six Flags tickets this year. Hey, ever heard of reading for fun? People make me sick sometimes.