Under Pressure

I have never been very good at dealing with change. It makes me feel very anxious and unsettled. I really like consistency. In my life, my work and in people. The last two months have been good. I have looked at my move as a new adventure. And my new home really agrees with me. But it has been very difficult.

Quitting my job. Packing up my house. Getting rid of so many things. Having to decide if I will ever use each item in California and trying to be ruthless about letting things go. Then, facing the daunting task of trying to integrate my things into my apartment with Gary. And then feeling overwhelmed by having to make all these decisions about selling my house. I was disappointed by the listing price but happy to get an offer so soon. I ended up taking $3500 below list price just to get some resolution. I can't keep leaking money into that house when I don't have a job yet. And there are so many things I need to focus on right now. Namely, getting a job and planning the wedding.

It's heartbreaking to say goodbye to my home of six years. That home was purchased with the money I received following my father's death. I felt the best thing I could do with that money would be to buy a home and feel settled. Letting it go makes me feel a little rootless. But I'm trading it for a life with Gary and that makes it worth it.

I have decided to treat myself to a mini-vacation. I am going to drive to Los Angeles this weekend to attend my friend Maya's baby shower. I really want to be there for it and I'd love to see her. I'm not a good long distance driver, though, so it should be quite an adventure.