Sorry I haven't written in awhile. Funny how life gets in the way.

My friend Caroline lost her battle with cancer on Saturday morning. It is just so heartbreaking. I remember working with Caroline my very first day with the library. She was a person who loved to laugh and I remember her reassuring me that I would eventually figure everything out. I was so worried that I would never understand the circulation system. Coming to work and finding Caroline there was always a lovely surprise. She moved around the different branches and you never knew when she might show up. I so enjoyed chatting and laughing with her. It seems like we lost her so quickly. There wasn't time to say goodbye. And now her baby is in the hospital and he will never know his mom. Caroline's memorial service is tomorrow night. Please send out a prayer for her family.

It almost seems as if there should be some outward manifestation of grief when someone dies. It doesn't make sense that I look out the window right now and the sun is shining and people are going about their business. Library patrons come in and pester us while we are all dealing with our grief and we can't yell at them, "Hey, give us a break! We just lost a friend!" And yet, the realization of life and renewal is also present in such things as the arrival of my boss with her six month old baby. He is so beautiful. Maybe someday someone will bring Caroline's baby to the library so that we can all meet him. I'd like that.

So, I am not even a remotely superstitious person. I don't believe in fortune-telling or astrology or any of that stuff. But I did have my palm read yesterday. I watched my friend have it done and the man was suprisingly accurate so I thought I'd see what he came up with for me. He began by saying that unlike my friend, I was born with a great deal of wisdom because I have reincarnated several times. He said I tend to be guarded with people because of bad experiences in my past lives. Huh. He said that even though I am generally very open with people, I still hold a lot back which makes me mysterious. The more people get to know me the more confused they become. He said I would probably marry with two kids but my marriage would be difficult. He said I have two career lines which means I will probably have one career in early life and then change. The second career will probably be something in public speaking or the arts. He said maybe theater. And then he said he felt I had a tendency to try and please people. That I often try too hard to please everyone and I should ease up. It was interesting. Who knows?

My co-worker Caroline delivered her baby today. 2 pounds 6 ounces. Now, Caroline can begin radiation therapy. For all you praying types, please send out a prayer for Caroline, her family and baby James.

"People of the world, relax!" If you can identify that quotation, I'm blowing you kisses across the internet. (hint: it's from a book) Anyway, that's what I feel like yelling at some of my library patrons sometimes. They seem to get so upset over the most minor things. And then, when they head up to the desk with 20 videos, 7 DVDs, and 7 CDs, I want to scream at them, "HEY, WHERE ARE THE BOOKS?!!!" This is not the best way to use your local library. Treating it like a Blockbuster. It's depressing. Grrrr...

So, here is a story for the day. I work with a really fun woman named Caroline who is in her mid-forties. She has such a great sense of humor and I always love it when she shows up at my branch to fill in for someone. Caroline recently became pregnant and the pregnancy stimulated melanoma which quickly spread through her lymph nodes to her brain. The brain cancer is now terminal and she has anywhere from a few weeks to a few months to live. This Friday, she goes in for a C-section to deliver her 30-week old baby. When asked by a co-worker if there is anything that we can do for her, Caroline replied, "Please use my life as an example and don't get bogged down worrying about the little things." She refuses to feel sorry for herself and is fighting as hard as she can for her baby. If you are the praying sort, please send out a prayer for Caroline, her baby, her husband and her 17-year-old son. And remember her example when things get tough.

No one makes way for ducklings anymore. On my way to work yesterday, I was greeted by the terrible sight of some dead ducklings in the middle of the road. There were about five and some were still moving. The two adult ducks would not leave their babies. That left them standing in the middle of traffic. I couldn't understand how someone could miss seeing seven ducks crossing a street. And then how they could drive off after killing them. It was so horrible. The utter lack of empathy that would drive someone to do something like that. An animal organization came and took the living ducks away so they would be safe. It upset me for the whole day. Are our lives so busy and crazy we can't even let a few ducks cross a road safely? Do people just not care anymore?

On December 31, 1999, right before midnight, I was talking to my friend Brad about the problems with our generation. Generation X. When I read that, I feel that "X" should be written in bold red. Like a correction on a test or paper. Like our generation is mistake. But our true shortcoming seems to be that we are burdened by choice. That's what Brad and I discussed. We are living in a time where we have almost unlimited choices in our lives. From profession to type of Starbucks coffee. (may I have a short skinny mocha no whipped with sprinkles, please?) But does that make us lucky? In some ways. Maybe it was easier for women when they knew their main choices were marriage, secretary or teacher. You didn't have to worry too much about making the right choice because it was virtually made for you. But now, our lives are full of possibilities. And we fall prey to a "grass is always greener"-type syndrome. We're not so concerned anymore with job stability, benefits and retirement. We want to be FULFILLED (with capital letters) by our jobs. So, it doesn't concern us if we have to jump from job to job from year to year in search of that fulfillment. Why should we pigeonhole ourselves into one job? Especially when there are so many options? But maybe that is why we all seem so depressed. All this searching for fulfillment. And what if we never find the job or person or hobby that fulfills us? What if we choose a certain path and it ends up being wrong? This is why we are burdened by choice. But maybe I should just choose not to think about that.