To Blog or not to Blog

When I first started blogging a few years ago, it seemed to be a good opportunity to let my friends and loved ones in on my life. We are all so far away from each other now and it's often difficult to keep in touch. A blog seemed like a good way to chronicle my day to day life and my friends could check in once in awhile.

It hasn't quite worked out that way. It tends to get me into more trouble than it really helps maintaining connections. Things that I say can be misconstrued in ways I hadn't anticipated. And I may unintentionally hurt people's feelings. So, I'm going to go on hiatus for awhile and think about what to do. At least for a week or two.

I'll continue to follow my favorite blogs. I always love seeing where Vieve has travelled to next. And Frank....I'm reading a book right now that reminds me a lot of you for some reason. It's called "Eat Pray Love." You should check it out.

Ah...to blog or not to blog...did Hamlet ever have angst like this?

Under Pressure

I have never been very good at dealing with change. It makes me feel very anxious and unsettled. I really like consistency. In my life, my work and in people. The last two months have been good. I have looked at my move as a new adventure. And my new home really agrees with me. But it has been very difficult.

Quitting my job. Packing up my house. Getting rid of so many things. Having to decide if I will ever use each item in California and trying to be ruthless about letting things go. Then, facing the daunting task of trying to integrate my things into my apartment with Gary. And then feeling overwhelmed by having to make all these decisions about selling my house. I was disappointed by the listing price but happy to get an offer so soon. I ended up taking $3500 below list price just to get some resolution. I can't keep leaking money into that house when I don't have a job yet. And there are so many things I need to focus on right now. Namely, getting a job and planning the wedding.

It's heartbreaking to say goodbye to my home of six years. That home was purchased with the money I received following my father's death. I felt the best thing I could do with that money would be to buy a home and feel settled. Letting it go makes me feel a little rootless. But I'm trading it for a life with Gary and that makes it worth it.

I have decided to treat myself to a mini-vacation. I am going to drive to Los Angeles this weekend to attend my friend Maya's baby shower. I really want to be there for it and I'd love to see her. I'm not a good long distance driver, though, so it should be quite an adventure.

A House with a Death Wish

My house went on the market last Wednesday. It is now under contract. I have been very close to a mental breakdown for the past few weeks but I think things are turning around. I'll go into all of this in more detail tomorrow. First, I'd like to offer the following thoughts.

I have a great fondness for Mexican folk art. My house is painted in yellows, blues and reds and it is filled with folk art. From the inner balcony, I hung several colorful huipiles (tunic textiles) from Guatemala. I have a framed photograph of Frida Kahlo over the fireplace and a large papier-mache Day of the Dead figure that Gary gave me for Valetine's Day on the piano (see picture above). I love Day of the Dead art and have quite a few pieces sprinkled through the house. This style of decorating is not for everyone. It is very colorful and eclectic. My realtor doesn't get it. But I think all of my art puts the colors of the house into context.

Well, my mom was checking out my house's listing on Realtor.com and she pointed out to me that my realtor had gone in and removed all of my Day of the Dead figurines. On one level, this freaks me out because those things are delicate and I'm worried they could get broken. On another level, I'm kind of offended by their removal. Does he (the realtor) think that someone would walk into the house and think, "Does Marilyn Manson live here? Is this person some kind of a death worshipper?" I just don't know what to think about that. It doesn't really matter since the house is sold already. But it makes me think what other realtors make people take down when they put their homes on the market. If you were looking at a house, would the decor put you off buying it? Am I overreacting here? The whole thing just seems weird to me.

In Tooth and Claw

Well, I got back and had to take Toulouse to the Cat Hospital again. Evidently there were problems with his teeth. I just took him to the vet for a full checkup last summer and they said there were no problems. Then, his new vet tells me his teeth look really bad and showed me the red inflamed gums. She said this wasn't a problem that could have come up since last summer. So, they had to put Toulouse under and pull three of his teeth including one of his canines. When I picked him up, I just lost it. I felt so bad for him. The difficulty of moving and adjusting. Then spraining his elbow. Now he has lost three teeth. What will happen next?! Luckily, he seems to be okay. But it breaks my heart when I see the big gaps in his mouth.

There and Back Again

Well, I went back to Denver last week. I spent the week cleaning my house and preparing it to put on the market. I was very lucky that my mom came out and helped because it was a very big job.

I have a new appreciate for all the space and light in my house. And my nice big comfy bed. But I don't think I will be as sad to see it go as I thought I would. I certainly won't miss all the stairs. And a smaller place is easier to clean and harder to fill with clutter. But I think it's time to let my house go.

I bought my house soon after my father's death and it was the setting for my adult dating life. I think it's fitting that I start over in a new place for the next phase of my life. It scares me to let it go because it is the one tangible thing I own. I will feel a bit un-moored without it. But it will be okay. Soon, Gary and I will find a home of our own to begin our lives in. And once the house sells, I can really focus on my new life.