I decided that I am not ready to throw in the towel yet. I guess I just have to be more careful what I post. I think two things brought me back:
1. The book "Eat Pray Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert. This book really spoke to me. It's about the author who traveled to Italy, India and Indonesia over a year to heal herself and find spiritual enlightenment. It is funny and touching and much of it seems very familiar.
I guess I need to remember sometimes that I am human and I make mistakes. Sometimes, very very big ones. But I have to learn to forgive myself.
2. Easter is coming up. It's just about my favorite holiday. (next to Halloween) A time for new beginnings and renewal. Every year at Easter I watch "Last Temptation of Christ." It's a good reminder for me. If you haven't seen it, I recommend that you do. Don't believe all the stories you heard about it. My uncle had me convinced for years that it was the devil's work and I would go to hell for watching it. My pastor showed it to us in college and it profoundly affected me. It renewed and revitalized my faith. Doesn't sound like the work of the devil, does it?
To answer a comment made earlier, I am very happy in California. Things are even better than I thought they would be. If I could just find a job, things would be just about perfect.