Monday, August 10, 2009


I think marriage has made me soft. I have been married for three years. Before that, I lived alone for almost ten years. I'm an only child and I'm used to doing things for myself. Living alone kind of sucked sometimes. Especially as a homeowner when things would REALLY go wrong and the buck stopped here. With marriage, I learned about the joys of the delineation of labor and the wonders of allowing yourself to ask for help. I think I liked it a little too much. I got soft.

My husband left last Friday for a weeklong camping trip in the Grand Tetons. Instead of falling apart as I expected to do, I have been handling it quite well. Of course, my mom lives nearby so it isn't as if I'm completely alone. But so far, the house hasn't fallen down around my ears. The dishes are getting washed. The baby is fed and cared for. The garden is being tended to. The trash barrels were taken out. The cat is being fed and cared for. So far so good. As much as I miss my husband, this is a good affirmation for me that I AM capable of taking care of myself and Noodlebug.

I think my husband was a little worried to leave on this trip because the last time he went away for a weekend I was in the throes of post-partum depression and I completely lost it. Every time he called to check in (several times a day), I would be sobbing so hard I couldn't speak. I honestly didn't think I would make it through the weekend. A year later, I am a mom who is managing her household all by herself. Sure the house isn't perfectly clean. And there are piles here and there and clutter galore. But it's nice to know that I'm not going to fall apart. I'm still that self-reliant woman I used to be. I just needed a little reminder.

Okay, Gary. You can come home now!


Gary said...

I'm glad to hear you're adjusting to a life that's probably a lot more complex than it used to be (without minimizing your previous life, of course). I'm sure it comes with a feeling of increased richness and dimension, too.

And you no longer have to worry about relying on those bookish friends who were better at analyzing Proust than they were fixing garage doors, chasing snakes, etc (not mentioning any names, but I'm just remembering some pretty funny stories you told me).

KnittingReader said...

Good for you, Amy! Like you, I am an only child who likes spending time on her own. But I haven't taken care of myself in a long time. How wonderful for you to realized that you are a beautiful, capable mom.

Sarbear said...

I know what you mean -- I used to be tough but now that I live with my husband, I kinda let myself be babied and, well, act, more like a baby when it comes to hurting myself and asking for help with things. I thought this was a really interesting post. Thanks!

Amy said...

Sarbear--Thanks for checking in! I felt a little silly after writing that post because I wondered if people would think I was a bit weak. It's nice to know others feel the same way!


Marie said...

LOL, I know what you mean. I'm also an only child & was happy being single for years. Now I'm a big domestic softie who misses my husband if he goes away for a day! :-) But we're both strong women underneath it all, I'm sure!