Something Personal

I'm 35 and I feel really old today.  My poor diet and lack of exercise is really taking its toll. I have made a conscious decision not to exercise because I don't want to take away from the limited time I have with my family. Since I am currently working 10-hour days, by the time I get home it is usually time to start dinner. So, not much time to sneak in exercise by doing something active with my family.  The diet problems are two-fold. First of all, I am an emotional eater.  Second of all, I sit at my desk all day and snack. I have been wondering what it would take to finally get me to make some changes. I want to be healthy and look good for my husband but I also want to set a good example for my child. Right now, he doesn't care if I'm fat overweight but one day it could be a source of embarrassment for him.

My friend Kim has been helping me by both providing a good example for me to follow and by offering me tools and ideas that have helped her.  While I will never be an Ironman triathlete like she is, she is a great role model for me.  Kim sent me this book for my birthday:

I'm working on it right now and I'm hoping to get some positive inspiration from it.

I am also interested in reading this one:

It sounds like it has some good ideas albeit ones that are wrapped in a trendy diet package. 

I am also going to try and make some lifestyle changes. Once my hours change back to an eight-hour day, I am going to change my work schedule so that I have time to go to the gym before work. This will mean even less time in the evening with my family but I have to do it.  I am also working on stocking up on healthy snacks for my desk area so I don't end up going to the candy jar at my co-worker's desk.  I'll let you know how it goes. My goal is to get down to a size 8/10.  I was really happy and comfortable at that size. Smaller would be fine but I think 8/10 is a reasonable goal for now.  I'll let you know how it goes. The new schedule starts on August 2.  In the meantime, let me know tricks that have worked for you and books you have found helpful.

An Al Franken Story

Once upon a time, I had a crush on Dennis Miller.  He was so snarky and intelligent. Until he took a bizarre and random turn into the world of radical conservatism.  I then transferred my allegiance to Al Franken. Goofy cute with real political savvy.  When Franken's second book came out and he was on his book tour, I found out he was going to be a the Tattered Cover in Denver and I managed to score some tickets to his booksigning.  I took my friend Greg with me. The bookstore only allowed one book signed per ticket. Greg didn't care about getting a book signed so I had him get one signed for my mother. The process was to write the name for the inscription on a Post-It and place it on the title page of the book.  Greg and I were the very last people in line.  I stepped up to Mr. Franken and he graced me with a charming smile and greeting as he signed my book. I then stepped aside to let Greg get his book signed for my mom.

My mother has an unusual name. My grandfather's name was Eugene and my grandparents wanted to name my mother after him but thought Eugenia was a little old-fashioned. So, they dropped the "Eu--" and changed the spelling of Genia to make "Jeania."  At the time of the book-signing, I neglected to tell Greg how to pronounce my mother's name. It never occured to me that I would need to. Mr. Franken asked Greg of the book was for him. Greg said yes.  He said the name was unusual.  Greg improvised and said it was Lithuanian.  (?!!!!)  Al Franken asked him to pronounce it.  Greg looked panicked for a moment and then said, "ZHHHEEEEN-YA!" very very loudly and proceeded to spit on Al Franken as he said it.  Everyone froze in shocked silence. Greg had just inadvertantly spit on Al Franken while acting like a loon. I didn't know whether to be worried that the cops were coming or to laugh so hard I would pee my pants.  Franken looked very surprised but composed himself and thanked us for coming. Greg and I ran out the door and as far I know, Franken has never returned to Denver for a booksigning.

My friend Greg is currently shopping his novel and had a chance to share this story with his Master's advisor, Lauren Groff. Maybe it will make it into one of Greg's books someday.

Hard Times

See this photo? This is part of our backyard. My husband does a beautiful job. We have many raised beds that we have filled with vegetables. The roses are special Fourth of July roses that we bought when we got married four years ago. The incessant rain this year has been very difficult because I have been longing to spend the summer outside in our backyard. We got Noodlebug a sandbox and some other outdoor toys. We bought a dining set so we can eat outside. We dream of all the vegetables we will harvest this summer and fall.

All of that may be over. My husband lost his job yesterday. We rent our house from his [former] boss and I don't know if he is going to kick us out. It is hard enough to worry about losing a job. We were just making ends meet and I honestly don't know how we are going to pay our bills. What is so much worse is the prospect of losing our home. We moved into this house when we came home from our honeymoon. I brought Noodlebug to this house from the hospital. I always thought when we left this place it would be to move into a house of our own. Now, I don't know what will happen to us. The idea of losing our home and never getting to harvest all the vegetables that my husband so lovingly planted. The thought of leaving Noodlebug's room that my husband painted a month before the baby was born. The thought of saying goodbye to our neighbors and the trees that we love to watch as we sit in the backyard.


I can't bear it.


I know I need to "hand it over" to God. I know I need to have faith that we are going to be okay. We still have my job even though we lost 60% of our income yesterday. We are all on my health insurance so we still have that. But to be without our home is unbearable. It's just too much. I'm scared and I'm heartbroken.



Please send prayer and good thoughts.

Notes in the Margin

The long weekend was very conducive to reading!  I finished THE SEASON OF SECOND CHANCES by Diane Meier and I am almost finished with THE MARROWBONE MARBLE COMPANY by M. Glenn Taylor.  Next, I'll be reading THE MAP OF TRUE PLACES by Brunonia Barry and A VISIT FROM THE GOON SQUAD by Jennifer Egan. There are also books waiting for me at the public library if I can just find time to go pick them up.

The weather is finally starting to turn and I am ready to head outdoors.  I am hoping for lots of time with my family, lots of good reading and a few good movies.

Are there any books you are looking forward to reading this summer?

5-25-75

I turn 35 today. I don't feel 35.

Where did the last five years go?

A few weeks after my 29th birthday, I met the man who would become my husband. Two days before I turned 30, my husband proposed to me.  On my 30th birthday, we were in Disneyland.  A few months after my 31st birthday, I got married.  Three months after my 32nd birthday, I got pregnant.  One week before my 33rd birthday, I had my baby. One week before my 34th birthday, my baby turned one.  And now he is two, I am 35 and I have had six wonderful years with my husband.

Whew.

If I am lucky, I am about halfway through my life right now. I hope I will have many more years to come because there is so much I still want to do and experience.  Every day is a blessing.

This August, I will have been blogging for seven years. Thank you for letting me share my life and interests with all of you.

(This is a picture of me wearing a chicken hat at this year's Petaluma Butter and Egg Day Parade. It is a reminder to myself to always keep a sense of humor and whimsy and to always be able to laugh at myself)

Notes in the Margin

My baby is TWO today.  How did that happen?

I have been busy with birthday party planning but I am still reading! I have a few chunksters I'm working on. I am in the middle of THE PASSAGE by Cronin.  I have been saving it because the buzz has been so good. I'm a little worried. I'm not really enjoying it so far. It is a cross between THE STAND by Stephen King and THE STRAIN by Del Toro and Hogan and I"m not sure that's a good thing.  I'm only halfway through, though. so there is still plenty of time.  I am also working on CUTTING FOR STONE by Verghese and SEASON OF SECOND CHANCES by Meier.  I am slowly slowly slowly making a dent in that huge bookpile next to my bed.

For now, I am going to celebrate two blessed years with my beamish boy.  My birthday is next Tuesday. But I think we may ignore that one.

Pssstttt....Don't tell Noodlebug but this is what he is getting this afternoon:

...and the Holy Toast

Although rain prevented the outdoor Mother's Day celebration I had envisioned, we still had a lovely time. My mother, Noodlebug's godmother, Noodlebug and I went to church on Sunday morning. Normally, I put Noodlebug in the nursery but I thought I would keep him with me in church since it was Mother's Day. He did a really good job. When it came time to take Communion, I walked him up to the front of the church. I had never taken him up with me before and I assumed the pastor would simply bless him. Well....


To my surprise, the pastor handed Noodlebug a piece of the host. Okay. We'll roll with it. We walked over the Communion helper holding the chalices and I demonstrated to Noodlebug how to dip the bread in the juice. He dutifully copied me. But he dropped the bread into the chalice. There was no way I could put my hand in there and fish it out so I just laughed and told him it was okay. As we walked away, he suddenly said, "OH NO! I DROPPED MY TOAST!"

We all got the giggles and had to remove ourselve to the narthex until we could compose ourselves. I told Noodlebug not to worry about his "toast" and gave him a cracker when we sat down again.


At home, my husband had prepared an elaborate Mother's Day brunch for all of us. He really is the best. He does just as much "mothering" as I do. Not just of Noodlebug but of me as well. How did I get to be so lucky?


Now, I'm off to prepare for Noodlebug's birthday party on Sunday. Praying for sunshine!

Perinatal Depression Awareness Month

Thanks to the efforts of the Junior Leagues of California, May has been designated Perinatal Depression Awareness Month. Also known as Post-partum Depression, this disorder can have devastating effects on women and their families. I experienced perinatal depression after the birth of my child. I felt lost and scared and really really struggled. Assemblymember Pedro Nava sponsored this bill and spoke to a number of us on Monday. I was moved by something that he said. He said that when you improve the lives of women, you improve the lives of their families and when you improve the lives of families, you improve the community.

No matter where you live, I encourage you to recognize Perinatal Depression Awareness Month and encourage the people in your lives learn the signs and symptoms of this disorder and how to get treatment.

Take What You Need, Give What You Can

I'm currently working on MATTERHORN and THE INFINITIES by John Banville but I'm really slow so I thought I'd check in with all of you with some non-book thoughts.

I began blogging in 2003 with the idea that my blog would be a kind of online journal that would enable my friends and family to keep up with me. I never really saw the potential for blogs to be anything else. It is amazing how blogs have transformed our world. CS Lewis said that we read to know we are not alone and I think blogs have proved that fact. No matter what you are going through or what interests you have, there is likely to be a blog out there by someone going through the same thing.

I decided two things a long time ago:

1) I decided I will not pursue growing my blog for profit.  I like being small and I like not having my blog covered in advertising.

2) I decided that one blog cannot cover everything. So, I added a religious blog and a crafting blog and left this one as a personal/book blog. I think it works pretty well.

Before I had these revelations, I felt a lot of pressure to post everyday and to be interesting and to drive up the traffic on my blog. Having a popular blog can definitely have its downside.  I have become a fan of CJANE over the last year.  I find her thoughts on motherhood to be funny and honest.  She always makes me laugh.  I was surprised to hear that she often gets really nasty comments and hate mail.  Her sister, Stephanie, does as well.  What did these women do to deserve that? Well, I guess they are just honest about themselves and their lives and that can rub some people the wrong way. It takes guts to put yourself out there.  We may not always agree with the things that people say.   I don't always agree with things that my favorite bloggers write.  But my philosophy is "take what you need and give what you can."  If you don't like a blog, don't read it.  If you take issues with certain aspects of a blog, then skip over that part and just take what you need.  Most of all, be supportive of people who are taking a chance by sharing their lives with you. Give what you can.  The downside of blogging is that people feel free to say nasty things with impunity that they probably never would in person. I don't want to be a part of that. Let's just support one another! Life can be hard enough without having to fight virtual battles as well as the day-to-day ones.

I have been so lucky to meet amazing people through blogging. You can find many of them in the sidebars of my various blogs. I have been inspired to read books I never would have otherwise and try to new craft projects. I have been encouraged and supported by complete strangers when suffering from post-partum depression and dealing with my reluctant working-motherhood. I have won contests and participated in swaps. I have learned about new products and fashion tips.  I am inspired every single day by the blogging world as it makes our big wonderful world a little bit smaller by connecting us with each other.

Blogging---Take what you need. Give what you can.

Notes in the Margin

Hello Bookish Friends!

I've been a bit under the weather but things are looking up.  I finished two books but I won't be posting review about them. The first was WATER FOR ELEPHANTS which I read for book club.  I have been saving this book for awhile and I was convinced I would love it. I really didn't like it.  That was so surprising.  I felt the main characters had been stolen from SOPHIE'S CHOICE and this bothered me so much that I couldn't get past it.  The other book read was Sarah Addison Allen's GIRL WHO CHASED THE MOON which was a very sweet, quick, cozy read.

I am currently working on MATTERHORN by Karl Marlantes and THE SOLITUDE OF PRIME NUMBERS by Paolo Giordano.

Other than a few Young Adult titles, nothing new has landed in my mailbox. This will give me some time to catch up on my current pile of ARCs.

I find myself really longing for warmer and DRIER weather. I'm ready to spend some time outdoors with Noodlebug.  I hope you are getting some sunshine wherever you are.

The Value of a Cozy Book

I love contemporary literature.  I have also been known to read the occasional mystery/suspense story or non-fiction title.  But my favorite is always the well-written chunkster. I love a well-crafted sentence and an author that has a vocabulary that gets me running to the dictionary. I have recently realized, however, that sometimes I like books not because they are literary marvels but because of the way they make me feel. Most of my "must-read" authors fall into this category:

I love Fannie Flagg because her stories connect me to my childhood home in the South and focus on the value of human relationships.

I love Lilian Jackson Braun not as a mystery writer but because I love the town that she has created and the life that her character, Jim Qwilleran, gets to live.

I love MC Beaton's Agatha Raisin series because Agatha makes me laugh in all of her middle-aged glory.

I love Sarah Addison Allen because she seems to have found the perfect blend of charming small-town story and magical realism.

These writers are unlikely to earn any lofty prizes in literature anytime soon but I dearly love these books. They provide the perfect cozy escape for me. Sometimes, that is all you need in a book.

What are your favorite cozy reads or authors?

Sunday Nights are Rough

Many of you know that I am a full-time working mom. I have a 22-month-old son who is the light of my life.  My family lives in one of the most expensive places to live in the United States.  And we have debt. And we get really wonderful insurance through my job.  So, not working isn't really an option for me. The upside is that I have a very good job and work with great people.  I get to be around books all day.  What's not to like?  I get frustrated sometimes, though. I never get to have playdates and can't seem to manage to get together with other moms for playdates because weekends are my only options. I hear about all these great classes that other kids are taking and I can't sign Noodlebug up because he is in daycare those days.  Even though I forego exercise (and have made peace with being 40 pounds overweight) in order to spend more time with my child, it is never enough. I live for weekends when I can spend time with my child and my husband. 

I had a good weekend this past weekend.  We finally got some sunshine. I had a date night with my husband on Friday night, a crafty get-together on Saturday and a family trip to see the new ALICE IN WONDERLAND movie on Sunday. (it was Noodlebug's third movie and he continues to be an absolute angel)  The best part of the movie? I was worried he might be scared of the Jabberwocky so before the big scene came, I removed his 3D glasses and turned him around in my lap.  He hunkered down and fell asleep on my shoulder. Since he is a very active toddler, I never have the opportunity just to hold him. It was awesome. We played and laughed and had a great time and then Sunday night came. My husband sees the transformation I go through each Sunday night when the realization hits me that I will be going to work the next day and sending my little one to daycare.  I get grumpy and generally unpleasant.  The transition from weekeend to work week is a hard one for me. I hope someday that circumstances will change and in the meantime I try and cherish the time we have together.

I did manage to finish another book so I owe you two reviews now!

What a Weekend!

Well, we completed our Dallas trip this weekend and made it back in one piece.  My little one was a champ!  He is such a good little traveler. I wish I could say the same for the other travelers we ran into. I was shocked at how rude and nasty people were. As I struggled to get my child onto the plane and into our seats, people were just nasty.  Their reactions ranged from eye-rolling to unpleasant comments.  And not one person every offered to help when they saw me struggling. Not even a flight attendant on any of the four flights we took.  It crushed my holiday spirit a bit but I rallied. 

I grew up in Dallas and I miss it a lot.  It felt so good being home again. We stuffed ourselves with Mexican food, German food and barbecue. We drove around the Park Cities looking at holiday lights and stopped by NorthPark to see the decorations and my very favorite Santa Claus. (see above)  Noodlebug was very brave and even cracked a smile for the Santa photo.

I also discovered a fantastic travel tip I would like to pass on. I was worried about carrying so much baby gear with me on the plane so I opted to not bring a stroller or any toys. Instead, I rented a stroller and toys through TravelBabees.  They were fantastic!!!  Not only are they affordable but they delivered the items to our hotel. The stroller was a BRAND NEW Peg-Perego and the toys were also new and age appropriate.  It gave Noodlebug lots of great things to play with in the hotel room without me having to lug around a bag of toys from home. Such a great affordable service! I highly recommend it if you are traveling with little ones. 

(I am not associated with nor paid by TravelBabees. I just wanted to recommend a great service)

After all the hustle and bustle, it is great to be home. If I can just get hubby to put the lights outside, I think we will be ready for Christmas.  I'm looking forward to it!

(photo borrowed from and owned by NorthPark Center)

We Have Nothing to Fear but Fear Itself

I have never been a person who gives in to fear.  I have always liked that line from the movie Strictly Ballroom..."a life lived in a fear is a life half-lived."   "Feel the fear and do it anyway." I used that one a lot when I was learning how to ski.  I could fill this post with platitudes like that.

I recently wrote a post about how parenthood has affected and changed me.  It seems as if everywhere I look or everything I read reminds me of how fragile life is.  A few weeks ago, a friend of mine lost a dear friend.  This woman was a prominent lawyer in Dallas.  She and her husband and their 4-year-old son were killed in a house fire.  They couldn't get out. I did not know these people personally but I was greatly affected by the story. I cried a lot. And then I went out and bought new fire extinguishers and smoke alarms for my home.  This morning, I heard on the radio about a local family of four killed by a reckless driver running a red light this past weekend. The children were 8 and 5. We think we have control over our lives.  Look at how I responded to the death of the family in Dallas. I went out and bought fire safety devices.  But how do I control a reckless or drunk driver?  The fact is that I cannot keep my child safe and my family safe. There is nothing that I can do or buy that will ensure their safety.  I could do everything in the world to physically protect my child and then he could get sick. My time volunteering with a children's hospital and Make-a-Wish Foundation have shown me this reality in spades.  So, I have new fears in my life now.  I am traveling with my mother and little one this coming weekend.  This is the first time I have traveled with my child. I am nervous about the plane ride. I lay in bed last night thinking about something going wrong with the plane. How ridiculous is that?!  I have never had any fear of flying before!  Is this how I am going to spend my life now?  Full of fear and anxiety?

As Christians, we are supposed to put our faith in God.  Everything from worrying about our daily needs to our greater fears.  It is really hard for me to "hand it over" sometimes.  Especially with all the daily reminders of how things can go wrong that confront me in the news, on television, in my books. Do you know that the last four books I read had the deaths of children in them?!  I think I need a break!!!  It's time for some fluffy comfort reading.  If I mention that I am about to start a book and you have read it and it has the death of a child in it, PLEASE STEER ME AWAY FROM IT!  Just for the time being.  I'm ready for a few sugarplums dancing in my head instead of tragedy.  In the meantime, I am going to work on letting go of fear and just living in the moment and handing all the worry and negativity over to God.

Maybe Keb' Mo' can help me out.

Logophile

What do the following words have in common?

book

trash

hot

up

brush

open

more

tickle

sock

shoe

baby

eyes

nose

mouth

ears

boo

moon

sit

ball

moose

Give up?



How about if I add these words:

Mama

Dada

Elmo

As you have probably guessed, these words comprise Noodlebug's current vocabulary.  He seems to be experiencing a word explosion right now and every day brings a new one.  It is an exciting time.  Although I have to admit, I find his baby babble very endearing.  20-25 word vocabulary at 17 months. Not bad.  Must be all those books I force him to read  read with him every day.

Now, if we can just get him to say "trick or treat."  Mama needs some chocolate.

Happy Halloween!!!

Weekend Update

Friends---

It was a difficult weekend.  My family stood in line for three hours to get the H1N1 shot on Saturday. We are all vaccinated now but it was a long and difficult morning. There is a lot of stress and strife in my family right now that we are trying to work through. I'm desperately fighting off depression and trying to focus on all the good things around me like the beautiful fall weather and the fact that we are entering the holiday season which I always look forward to.

I am still working on Irving's book. I made a special trip to the bookstore with Noodlebug yesterday and bought AS Byatt's THE CHILDREN'S BOOK.  This morning, I heard from GoodReads that I won a copy of Michael Chabon's new book which is exciting. 

If I am sporadic in my posting over the next few days, please know that I am reading and will be posting reviews soon. And I'm reading all of your blogs and comments!!!!

Side Effects of Parenthood

As most of you know, I am the mother to a 16-month-old boy.  Over the past 16 months, I have been surprised by how emotional I have become about children in general.  Many years ago, I served on the board of a group of young professionals supporting a local children's hospital.  I was in charge of volunteer opportunities.  We would often host parties, storytimes and crafting events for the children.  One of my fellow directors would always help with supplies and setup but would never stay for the parties. She was a young mother of two and said it was just too hard for her to see the sick children at the hospital. I could not understand this. I loved children and, while it was sometimes difficult to see the more dire cases, I always found it incredibly rewarding to be with them at those parties.  Now, I wish I could go back in time and apologize to that woman.  If I were in the same position now, I would probably have to drop off supplies and decorations and leave as well.

I am reading a really great novel right now about WWII.  I just finished a scene where a young pregnant mother and her toddler son are trying to evacuate Berlin by train. In the scene, the toddler gets separated from his mother on the platform and she can't get to him through the throng of people. As I read this, I felt my throat tighten up and I had trouble breathing.  I imagined that little boy as my son and I got really upset.  This happens a lot now. I hear about a child who is ill or a child who has fallen under some kind of harm and I can't help but think...what if that were my child?  There but by the grace of God...

Granted, I am an emotional person anyway.  But parenthood makes you more vulnerable somehow. While I don't hover over my child or constantly worry about him, I am acutely aware of how lucky I am that my child is safe and healthy.  So, if I get a little emotional over a book now and then, I'm going to give myself a break.
Not long ago, I was reading a book about an Indian raid on a North Texas ranch in the 1800's.  Several small boys were murdered in the first few pages.  I put the book down and never read any further. I'm going to give myself permission to do that from now on.  I'll blame it on hysterical motherhood.

The One About Health Care

If you are a new reader to my blog, I always put warning labels on posts that include politics or religion so you can skip them if you like.

(Warning: Political Blather ahead)  

 I listened to the President's speech on health care yesterday with great interest. I think there is a lot of confusion and misinformation out there on the health care issue. Some people believe we are trying to go to nationalized healthcare following a Canadian or English model.  We aren't. In fact, I'm not sure that would ever be a good idea. Those systems are flawed.  I don't think anyone here wants to wait years to get a hip replacement.  I happen to believe that we are a country of innovative and thoughtful people.  We can come up with something better.

I am lucky enough to have an excellent PPO plan through my job. It covers my entire family with no deductible. This is the main reason I continue to work. My husband's employer will only pay for coverage for my husband.  And the coverage isn't that great.  We are lucky to have the healthcare that we do. And yet, I am often frustrated by my insurance.  We are a healthy family. (thanks be for that blessing)  My husband, however, has had to have several cancerous growths removed from his skin. The insurance company has challenged every single one. The dermatologist said that it is a standard practice by the insurance company.  They try to say that these skin cancer removals could be cosmetic. WHAT?!!!  I have heard stories from friends and co-workers that more and more of their standard claims are getting challenged. We all do fairly well with our insurance plans if we are healthy but Lord help you if you get seriously sick.  Every single step of your treatment could be challenged by insurance. And who wants to deal with insurance paperwork when you or a loved one is battling cancer?

My mother is a 64-year-old widow. Several years ago, her COBRA insurance coverage from my father ran out.  Because of her health problems, she doesn't work.  So, she has no work-provided insurance coverage. Trying to find private coverage has been a nightmare. No one will accept her because of her pre-existing conditions. We finally found a plan for her but the premium and deductible are both really high. It eats up a large portion of her living expenses. In March, she will finally qualify for Medicare. That will be more of a celebration than her actual birthday.  It has been a VERY hard road.  She is one of those people who fall through the insurance cracks.

For those people who say they don't want to pay for other people's coverage, I would say...we already are!  Who do you think pays for all of those uninsured people who go to hospitals? The expense is passed on to us in the form of higher premiums and more challenges to claims.  In addition, as a Christian, I believe it is our responsibility to help to care for our neighbors.  I believe that we, as a nation, should take care of each other.  THAT, my friends, is a family value.

For those people who are worried about what this will do to insurance companies as businesses, I would say...what have insurance companies done for you lately?  Really?  I am grateful to have mine but I find it increasingly frustrating and unnecessarily complicated. These companies are not in the business of people but in the business of making money. They don't care about us.  We are just numbers to them.  As soon as we become a liability, they dump us.

It sounds to me like the administration's plan would allow me to keep my current plan while providing a viable option for people like my mother. And it would give me certain consumer protections so that I cannot be denied coverage for things like pre-existing conditions. Why is this a bad thing?  I don't understand.

If I am wrong about this, let me know and I will admit my error.  I just don't understand the reluctance.  Isn't it about time that our politicians did something that could effect REAL change? For all of us? It would sure as hell be a lot more meaningful than more tax breaks for the rich.

But that is just my two cents.

Something Special

I had the privilege of booking of a photo session with Wendy of Blue Lily Photography on August 21 in Sausalito. I had seen her photos on the Nie Nie Dialogues blog and just loved them. I take most of the photos in our family so I am never in them. Plus, I hate having my picture taken. It is embarrassing to admit this but I do struggle with body image issues. I just don't like seeing myself in photos. Or even a mirror. But I decided that I didn't want Noodlebug to grow up without any photos of him and Mommy. I just had to suck it up. And I am happy with the results. If Blue Lily comes anywhere near you, I highly recommend their work.

So, if you would like to view our photos, I invite you to see me and Noodlebug in the flesh:


LINK

Go to "Clients" and enter my name as the password: amy malaise

Be sure to put a space between my first and last name.


I'd love to hear your favorite.


P.S. The bunny in the photo was bought for me by my father when I was a baby. The Radio Flyer wagon was my mom's when she was a little girl.



(all photos copyrighted by Blue Lily Photography)

Self-Reliance

I think marriage has made me soft. I have been married for three years. Before that, I lived alone for almost ten years. I'm an only child and I'm used to doing things for myself. Living alone kind of sucked sometimes. Especially as a homeowner when things would REALLY go wrong and the buck stopped here. With marriage, I learned about the joys of the delineation of labor and the wonders of allowing yourself to ask for help. I think I liked it a little too much. I got soft.

My husband left last Friday for a weeklong camping trip in the Grand Tetons. Instead of falling apart as I expected to do, I have been handling it quite well. Of course, my mom lives nearby so it isn't as if I'm completely alone. But so far, the house hasn't fallen down around my ears. The dishes are getting washed. The baby is fed and cared for. The garden is being tended to. The trash barrels were taken out. The cat is being fed and cared for. So far so good. As much as I miss my husband, this is a good affirmation for me that I AM capable of taking care of myself and Noodlebug.

I think my husband was a little worried to leave on this trip because the last time he went away for a weekend I was in the throes of post-partum depression and I completely lost it. Every time he called to check in (several times a day), I would be sobbing so hard I couldn't speak. I honestly didn't think I would make it through the weekend. A year later, I am a mom who is managing her household all by herself. Sure the house isn't perfectly clean. And there are piles here and there and clutter galore. But it's nice to know that I'm not going to fall apart. I'm still that self-reliant woman I used to be. I just needed a little reminder.

Okay, Gary. You can come home now!