Tuesday, October 28, 2003

Somewhere along the way I started feeling responsible for my mother. When exactly does that happen? When do we make the switch from simply being a child to being an equal? Or at least, a semi-equal? She'll always be my mom but I worry about her like a parent sometimes. Even as a teenager I would worry but it has gotten worse lately since we are separated by several states. (Mom, i know you are reading this so don't get mad) She once went a whole week without calling me back. It made me absolutely frantic. Since I have a hysterical personality, I tend to imagine the worst. And this weekend, while she was traveling, she didn't return any of my messages until 24 hours later. I pictured her in some car accident along I-35. "I'm not ready to be an orphan yet" kept running through my head. She finally left a message on my cell phone. She told me she forgot her charger and had very little battery left on her phone. What, they don't have phones in Austin, Mom?!!! For someone like me who can go from zero to hysterical in thirty seconds, this is not a good thing. I worry about her even though she thinks I don't. I talked to a co-worker of mine who has two adopted daughter about my age and she says they sometimes do the same thing. Maybe it's an adopted thing. Maybe deep down we're still worried about abandonment on some level. I don't know. It's a really odd phenomenon. Do any of you experience this kind of anxiety about your parents?

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