Saturday, August 06, 2005
So, I watched "Prozac Nation" last night which wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I read the book years ago. The thing about the movie was that it reminded me a lot of myself. I haven't had a major depressive episode since college. And I've never had to use medication to pull myself out of it. (not that there is anything wrong with that, Tom Cruise! I think meds have their merits) Therapy has always been a bust for me. But I still have small depressive episodes now and then. Like this week. I think I am just feeling overwhelmed. Wedding planning, volunteering on four committees, hating my job, etc. And I haven't seen any of my friends in two weeks. Part of the problem is that I just don't have a lot of friends here. I tend to have only a few close friends in keeping with my personality. And that's great. But it makes it difficult when you feel the need to socialize and be with other people and they are all too busy. I'm not really complaining. My friends are busy and have big things going on in their lives. But I just feel really lonely right now. And it is made worse by this depression that has settled in. And it is so hard to describe to someone. Gary tries to get me to explain why I feel depressed and I can't. I can't pinpoint something specific. It's just a general ennui...or malaise. I feel like I'm underwater. But I'm still functioning. And that's a good thing. At least I manage to get out of bed everyday. I consider that a personal triumph. And I'm starting to pull out of it. I think all of these life changes are just getting to me right now.