Monday, January 31, 2005

The new mini-television screens on airplanes are both good and bad. They can offer a little entertainment but they can also give you a headache because they are so close to your face. The turbulence last night was worrying me a bit so I tried to distract myself by watching HGTV on my little screen. I saw a commercial about how Dawn dish soap has been used to clean off wildlife affected by oil spills and then I found out that if you buy Dawn now through March, they will donate money to a wildlife conservation agency. I thought that was really cool and decided I'd pass on the info. So, if you are interested, follow the link:

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

So, I went to Ginger's funeral this past weekend. It was difficult and sad but it was also the celebration of a life. So many people had so many wonderful things to say about her. She touched so many people. Her sister read her New Year's Resolution list that she had left behind and it was filled with items about doing things with and for other people. Because that is the type of person Ginger was. A caring and generous spirit. And that is a wonderful legacy to leave behind.

It makes me think about what kind of legacy I will leave behind. Will people come to my funeral? Will they remember me the way I want them to? Or will they see me as a difficult, irritable and self-centered individual? It makes me want to re-evaluate my life and my self. I want people to be able to laugh and be happy when they remember me. I want to make a positive difference in people's lives. Like Ginger. But I think I'm going to have to make some changes in my life for that to happen.

I've decided to start a scrapbook just for myself. I'm going to fill it with things about the person I want to be as well as the person that I am. So, when it is time for me to go, people will see and know me a little bit better.

Thursday, January 20, 2005

Sorry I haven't written in a few days. I've felt a bit down.

I have recovered from my illness only to face the loss of a close family friend. She died unexpectedly this past Monday of complications from 25 years of taking steroids for her rheumatoid arthritis. She had the flu this past week and was having trouble with vomiting and diarrhea. She passed out on Friday and her heart stopped on the way to the hospital. She never regained consciousness.

Ginger Saulsberry was a very dear sweet person. She lost two husbands to terminal illness and suffered from severe rheumatoid arthritis for years that left her crippled. Yet, she was a person with a zest for life and a merry heart. She had a great sense of humor and was always thinking about other people. She never complained and was so fun to be with. I can't believe she's gone.

When people are taken from you unexpectedly, you can get a little paranoid. Ginger is the second person to go out of my life with no warning. The first was my father. At times like these, I start to feel really anxious. Like each time I say goodbye to someone in my life, that will be the last time I will ever see them. And that isn't entirely unreasonable to think that. But it is making me feel really paranoid.

Over the weekend, Gary caught me sleepwalking so I know this anxiety is creeping into my subconscious.

I leave for the funeral in Austin tomorrow. I hope it will be a good time to celebrate Ginger's life and her reunion with loved ones that have gone before. We will miss her.

Monday, January 10, 2005

So, another glorious week begins at the library. And what did I do all weekend? That's right. I watched movies.

TROY--I saw this in the theater and was very disappointed and I thought I'd rent it to go back over certain scenes. But I couldn't do it. So I brought it back to the library.

LITTLE BLACK BOOK--Not what I expected. It was kind of a downer. Brittany Murphy is kind of likeable, though.

MARIA FULL OF GRACE--Wow. This was really depressing. But pretty good. I would make it a double feature with DIRTY PRETTY THINGS.

I also went to the movie theater and saw "LIFE AQUATIC WITH STEVE ZISSOU." It was very similar in feel to the ROYAL TENENBAUMS since it was the same director and most of the same cast. But it felt kind of disjointed. Like it was missing something. I wasn't sure how I was supposed to feel about Steve Zissou. Is he a fallen hero? Or is he just a sham? I still enjoyed it but not as much as the ROYAL TENENBAUMS.

Saturday, January 08, 2005

So, another long tedious day at the library with a cold in my head. Yuck. The customers just seem that much more annoying when you are sick. Only 2 1/2 more magical hours to go. As I told my friend Amy, "Every moment is worse than the one before."

I got some guidebooks about San Francisco today so I can start investigating relocation. Everyone tells me that I would thrive in the Bay Area. Maybe. I sure would miss Colorado. And my house and my friends.

But I had a realization today. I was thinking about how much I love Texas and how there is a chance I might never live there again. And that thought really bothers me. Because Texas is a big part of who I am and I love it dearly. I love living there. Except for the heat. People have al of these pre-conceived notions about what Texas is like. Yes, it can be a bit conservative and yes, it can be a bit religious right-y. But there is so much more to it than that. After all, I'm a liberal and I was born and raised in Texas. And I'd like to live there again some days. And I'd like my kids to be born there. Just because...

Thursday, January 06, 2005

I'm sick with a nasty cold but luckily I have some movies to keep me company. I've been on hold for lots of movies at the library for awhile now and they suddenly all came in at once. So far, I've watched the following:

WE DON'T LIVE HERE ANYMORE--I love Mark Ruffalo but this was kind of disappointing. It felt too earnest and cliched.

DE-LOVELY--This was very disappointing. I had high hopes because the actors are great but the framework of the story was intrusive.

KING ARTHUR--What a letdown. I didn't care anything about any of the characters. At least Clive Owen is good eye candy.

DOOR IN THE FLOOR---This was a good movie. Very heartfelt.

ANCHORMAN--I love Will Farrell but this was pretty darn stupid. I had to fastfoward through most of it.

SHAUN OF THE DEAD--Thumbs up! Very cute movie.

NAPOLEON DYNAMITE--Some people hated this movie but I really liked it. It reminded me of "American Movie." Sort of an anti-hero makes good kind of film.

I still have lots more to go. I don't see how all these crazy people that come into the library on a daily basis and check out twenty videos can do it. I get really antzy sitting on the couch and watching t.v. for long periods of time. It makes me feel lazy and bored.

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. It was my New Year's in the Bay Area.

I have a history of having really bad New Year's Eve moments. Last year was definitely the worst. But I had high hopes for this year. I flew out to San Francisco to spend the weekend with Gary. We went to his friends Heather and Muffin's house for New Year's Eve. They are such a delightful couple. Heather fixed some really fantastic food and we had a game of guessing each other's secrets and lies. Considering that I really didn't know anyone there, I feel good that I got six right. My secret was that "I'd like to chuck it all and go into musical theatre." My lie was that "in my impetuous youth, I was a debutante." Most people pegged me for the debutante but they thought that was my secret! Others guessed that I was a tap dancer. So, I guess all Gary's friends see me as a tap-dancing debutante.

All of that was quite fun. Then, about a half hour after midnight, the bad part began.

I still don't know if it was the alcohol. I didn't have THAT much to drink. Maybe it was the combination. But I started puking and could not stop. There is nothing worse than being sick in someone else's house. Gary was very sweet and all of his friends looked out for me. But I felt as bad as I've felt in a long time. We stayed at H&M's house to avoid drunken traffic and the rain. At 8am, I woke Gary up crying and begging him to take me home. I just couldn't stay draped over H&M's toilet anymore. I spent all day on New Year's Day either in Gary's bathroom or in bed. Poor Gary was fighting off bronchitis so we were a pretty sad pair. But still, a pair in love.

Now we know what it is like to be sick together. And, in spite of our illnesses, I had a good time just being with him.