So, I'm plodding along at work anxiously awaiting the end of my workday so I can go downtown for a martini or two. Tomorrow, Amy H. and I head down to Santa Fe for a weekend with the Colorado and Texas Hash House Harriers. Should be a good time. So, I will be incommunicado until Tuesday but I'm sure I will have lots to share with you then. Hope you all have a great weekend!

Numerology: Fact or fiction? Here is my number profile:

7's are the searchers. Always probing for hidden information, they find it difficult to accept things at face value. Emotions don't sway their decisions. Questioning everything in life, they don't like to be questioned themselves. They're never off to a fast start, and their motto is slow and steady wins the race. They come across as philosophers and being very knowledgeable, and sometimes as loners. They are technically inclined and make great researchers uncovering information. They like secrets. They live in their own world and should learn what is acceptable and what not in the world at large.



Famous 7's: William Shakespeare Apr 23, 1564, Joan Baez Jan 9, 1941, Princess Diana July 1, 1961, Franz Liszt Oct 22, 1811 Winston Churchill Nov 30,1874, Ludwig van Beethoven Dec 16, 1770, Marilyn Monroe June 01,1926.


ha ha ha ha

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME. And what a good birthday it has been. My fellow employees got me a yummy ice cream cake. I got to open delightful gifts from my mom and Vieve. I got many phone calls, e-mails and cards. And tonight, I go to the Palm for my birthday lobster. (Pinchy would have wanted it this way) Plus, I have a date with a cute guy tomorrow night. 29 is starting off to be a great year.

I am in a remarkably good mood today. I am finally starting to feel like myself again. It's been awhile. And I'm a lot happier than I was a month ago.

My birthday is tomorrow and I've been thinking about astrology. I do not believe in astrology at all. I've been told my sign is Gemini but I don't think that fits. Except that I do feel I have a dual nature sometime. Part of me wants to be a fashionable philanthropist with lots of money who donates most of it to local charities and worthy causes. I want to get into politics and change the world. But the other part of me wants to get rid of all the trappings of life. To live simply in a small cabin or something. Or in a hut in some South American country where I do anthropology work or some other worthy low-key pursuit. And I feel constantly torn in both directions. Just like part of me is deathly shy and the other part wants to be the life of the party. Weird.

So, I had a very nice birthday surprise. My friends Sara and Amy led me to believe we were going downtown for dinner etc. for my birthday. We went to "pick up Amy" at her house and when I walked in the door, all my friends were there to surprise me. Amy and Sara had set up a full bar and had a lovely table covered in food. It was fantastic! I was so touched by all the work that had gone into it. We had a great time drinking, eating, talking and dancing. I couldn't believe it was 2:30am when we finally left!My friends are so great! If you go to my website (see right), you can find pictures from my party. It was a really great time.

So, I have always been a fan of quotations. I tend to get frustrated when I cannot express myself the way I want to and so many people have done such a better job before me. I often use poetry, quotations from novels and song lyrics to express my thoughts. I have been reading this great novel called IN HIS ARMS by Camille Laurens about men and relationships. It has just been translated from the French. I thought I'd share this one passage with you:

"I like the idea of resources, the man as source. Literally, in the eighteenth century, a resource was 'something to improve an awkward or unpleasant situation.' And being alone is certainly an unpleasant situation. But then, the man suddenly appears, he drops in from nowhere and brings happiness with him. Some day my prince will come, how often I sang that song when I was little...

Or else, there's this other excerpt, which is less lighthearted and extraordinarily erotic, by none other than Paul Claudel. Amalric is talking to Yse--Amalric, as godless flesh, soulless love:

I have pleasant hands
You know perfectly well that nowhere else than with me will
you find
The strength that you need and that I am the Man

I am the man. Isn't that marvelous? A man who comes over to you and says: I am the man.

You'd then need the strength to stare back at him and say: I am the woman."

Now, that's the kind of confidence I was talking about awhile back. And I could definitely use man as a resource right now. Wink.

So, I went to my last Junior League meeting of the year last night. They rented out a new museum called the Wildlife Experience for our meeting. We had a nice dinner and they presented awards. They gave out 10 Shining Star awards for significant contributions to the League. I got one. Which was fun. But the meeting was awkward for me. At the social part before the meeting, I didn't know anyone and just stood off to the side by myself. I just get so shy and I'm not good at just walking up to people and introducing myself. It was really uncomfortable. Luckily, this really nice lady came up to me and introduced herself. I was so relieved. And then I ran across a couple of new members to sit with at dinner. But I am always so terrible in these situations!

Now, I'll be focusing on starting my training as a new Facilitator. I think I'm going to learn a lot. I was given my supplies, flipchart and easel at our first meeting on Monday. I felt so official!

I'm trying to up my participation in politics too. I get to go meet my favorite Colorado senator, Sen. Gordon, on June 5 and I couldn't be more excited.

So, here's my life as a house. I think my house might be a good metaphor for me. This will be more pertinent if you have actually seen my house. From the outside it is fairly plain and bland. Nothing particularly eye-catching. A white stucco multi-story townhouse with red Spanish tiles. But when you go inside, my home is full of unexpected color. I collect Mexican folk art and have filled my house with yellow, blue and red walls to complement my objects. There is also a great deal of space devoted to personal items. I have lots and lots of knicknacks and pictures of friends. And clutter, because I hate letting go of things.

My house is a lot like me. I don't think I'm much to look at on the outside but I have a very colorful inner life. My inner space is filled with memories, nostalgia and personal relationships. And thoughts and ideas on how to improve myself and my future. Things that I find nuturing. And my mind is also a bit filled with clutter. Because, again, I have trouble letting go of things. But, with a little spit and polish, it can be a pretty nice place to be.

I received a pleasant surprise today. My friend Gary nominated me for Employee of the Quarter. Although I didn't win, I was so thrilled that someone took the time to nominate me. It really lifted my spirits. So, not to bore you, but here is the nomination:

Dear Members of the Denver Public Library Employee Council,

Some people were born to work at the library. These are people with unusual energy, flexibility, and knowledge. These are the people who push the rest of us to expand our interests well beyond those we naturally gravitate toward. These are the people who immerse themselves in everything from children’s to adult books, from the classics to pop culture. These are the people who show us that library staff must be culturally literate if public libraries are going to survive the social and technological pressures they are under. [Malady] is one of those people.

[Malady's] breadth of knowledge is nothing less than staggering. Her interests have few boundaries and she devours the library’s reading, viewing, and listening material at an amazing rate. One can regularly find her reading and talking about the latest bestsellers, popular music, and Hollywood releases, but also equally engaged in discussions about Peruvian authors, ballet performances, and current events.

Not only does [Malady] know an amazing amount of important material, she has a wonderful ability to share patrons’ enthusiasm about what they’re checking out at the library. She always says things like, “Oh, if you’re interested in this author, then you should look at these other titles written by this other author,” and proceeds to talk about why she thinks so in a fiercely intelligent way. [Malady] also understands how important it is that the library tries to “sell” its materials and she heads the effort at Hampden to better display its materials.

[Malady] also leads a truly dynamic story time on Thursday afternoons. She puts a great deal of thought into what she is going to read and how she is going to present it. She’ll even go so far as to plan her wardrobe around the stories she is going to read. And the kids have so much fun with her! [Malady] has a natural affinity for children and can have them singing and dancing in no time. One parent recently told me that she and her children look forward to Thursday story times at Hampden because “[Malady] is incredible.”

[Malady] is the kind of cheerleader public libraries need. She’s knowledgeable, smart, hip, and fun. She’s the person deserving of DPL’s next Employee of the Quarter.

So, it's almost time for my new year's resolution. I've decided to make my resolution on my birthday instead of January 1. Inspired by my friend Genevieve's sensible idea of making positive changes in her life, this is what I want to accomplish in the coming year:

1. Lose weight, get fit: I need to feel better about myself so I will spend this next year trying to get in shape. I will use a triathlon next summer as my goal. You guys have to help me stay positive and motivated.

2. Control my temper: I've got to mellow out and remain calmer.

3. Control my jealousy and resentment: This will be a tough one but it has been better lately.

4. Try to say only positive/constructive things about people: I don't want to be filled with negativity.

So, those are my resolutions for the coming year.

For you PBS geeks out there like me, don't forget to watch the new "Colonial House" starting next Monday. If it's as good at "1900 House, "Frontier House," "Manor House," and "1940's House," then it will be great!

So, it's a rainy night and I've got the blues. It actually may turn to snow overnight, believe it or not. Usually, "I'm only happy when it rains" as the song goes. But today I feel like doing a little emotional wallowing. So, get ready to join the pity party.

I have harped on this subject before but it is at the forefront of my mind so I will address it again.

Recently, someone close to me told me it was embarrassing to go out with me because I am so fat. Now, you should never have to hear something like this from anyone close to you. Or anyone at all for that matter. So, the comment really hurt. I don't think I'm overly heavy but I am sensitive about my weight gain. In the past, I have always looked in the mirror and seen a size 8. Even when I was a size 10. Maybe I had some sort of kind inner image filter. But now, I look in the mirror and see myself as I am. I finally caught sight of my bum in a tri-fold mirror today and was shocked into silence. I knew it was getting bigger but not that big! Add this little revelation to the fat comment and my self-esteem is pretty much in the toilet right now. I am the heaviest of my friends and what makes it even worse is that one friend in particular always goes on about how fat she is. And she's the smallest person I know! A size 8 MAYBE! I know she doesn't realize it but every time she goes on about how fat she is it's like a knife twisting in my gut. I've tried to get her to stop but she just doesn't listen. So, here I am trying to squeeze my ass into a size 12 knowing that I embarrass people and trying to make peace with that. Today, I'm losing the battle.

Blogspot just made some changes and I am having trouble with my comment engine. I'll try to get it back up as soon as possible.

So, I survived the weekend. Barely. On Friday night, Amy H. and I took Anna out for sushi for her birthday and then headed downtown for a little dancing. We ended up at Alley Cat where Anna worked her magic and had men approaching her left and right. We had to end the night early because Amy and I had to do a Volunteers for Outdoor Colorado project at 7am on Saturday. It was a long day in full sun digging up the ornamental weed Mediterranean Sage. Then, that night, we went back to Alley Cat to celebrate Sara's birthday in the VIP area. And, as usual, I had Sunday school the next morning. Whew!

What really struck me about the weekend is how disappointing Anna and Sara's friends were. None of Anna's friends were willing to go out and celebrate her birthday. Her best friend was available but had "body issues" and didn't want to go out in public. That is the lamest thing I have ever heard. I don't know a single person without issues. Especially body issues. But when you let something like that keep you from being there for your friend, you've got problems. I had a friend like that once. She's no longer a friend. And Sara's best friend didn't show up for her party either. They are both mothers and one couldn't get a sitter. But she didn't bother to call and say she wasn't coming. The other one had a sitter lined up but was too nervous to leave her baby with anyone. Even for an hour or two. So, that left Sara without her two closest friends on her 25th birthday. These people really piss me off. Everyone I know leads a busy life. But if you don't make time for your friends, what kind of a friend are you?

So, I am getting ready to embark on a long weekend. After work, I will race home to change and meet Anna for her birthday dinner at Sushi Den. After dinner, we will probably do a little dancing/bar-hopping downtown. Then, tomorrow morning Amy H. and I will be doing some trail-building with Volunteers for Outdoor Colorado. After that, we will race home to prepare for other birthday festivities. Then, I teach Sunday school on Sunday morning. Just two weeks left and I'm off for the summer! Hope I make it through the weekend. I figure the rolling stone gather no moss, right?

So, I am proud to annouce the launch of http://www.amalaise.com

Yes, it's true. I have my own website. There isn't much on it yet but I plan to post personal stuff like photographs on it. Just general stuff about me. My new website can support five e-mail accounts so if anyone is just dying to have an amalaise.com e-mail, let me know.

Enjoy!

So, I've been trying to figure out what exactly attracts me to men. I definitely tend to gravitate towards clean-cut guys. (which is probably why I keep ending up with military men) I like men to be somewhat fit. No couch potatoes, please. Intelligence/high education is a must. And he HAS to have a sense of humor. I'd really like to be with someone who makes me genuinely laugh. Liberal politics are a plus. As is Christian faith. But probably one of the main traits in a man that attracts me is confidence. I think this is true with both men and women. If a person comes off as confident, they exude self-esteem. Which is really sexy. As a shy person, I know how hard it can be to come off as confident. But it really is very very attractive. I also tend to be old-fashioned in the dating arena because I like men to act like men. They should do the asking out. They should make the first move. Hold doors. Act like gentlemen. Etc. I know that sounds a little backward-thinking in this day and age but I like it. For me, it's a confidence thing.

So, here is Amy's weird revelation #2:

I am very uncomfortable in buildings that have windows with no window coverings.

This really only kicks in at night. I don't know why this freaks me out so much but it really does. When it gets dark, I always go around my house closing blinds, shades and curtains. It makes me feel safer. All those open windows freak me out. The idea of open space that I can't see into very well. And the fact that with my house lit up, people can see me better. I just find it really comforting to cover all the windows at night. I don't know why. It's weird.

Kind of like my irrational fears of cyborgs and strolling musicians. (i'm not kidding...I'm really uncomfortable about those things)

I got a sneak preview ticket to see the new Kate Hudson film "Raising Helen" tonight. I don't have high hopes for it but it's something to do. We'll see how it goes.

So, lately I have realized two new things about myself. Today I'll talk about the first one and tomorrow the other one.

Amy's weird revelation #1:

I don't like new people. I think it has something to do with my hatred and discomfort with change. When my now friend Brian C. started working at the library with me, I refused to acknowledge his presence for weeks. It had nothing to do with Brian. He was perfectly nice. But because I am shy and hate change, I just pretended that he wasn't there. Part of me may have been worried about a change in the work dynamic. Until that point, I had been very happy with my job and the way things were going. Maybe part of me feared that a new person would change that. I was right. He did change it. For the better. I found out that Brian was a professional actor thawed me out a little bit. That gave me something to talk about with him. Gradually, I realized Brian was a kindred spirit and now I adore him. But it took some time. I realize now that this is a pretty common thing with me. For example, I refused to speak to my ex-boyfriend Nick the first two times I met him. I wanted nothing to do with him. Then, out of the blue, we got into a discussion about globalization and he impressed me with his conversation skills and I fell for him then and there. Yet, I had hardly acknowledged his presence the two previous times I met him. Weird. I really am a crazy bitch.

So, not everyone knows this about me but I have a pretty big heart. It doesn't always show because I also have a pretty big temper. But I do have a lot of love in my heart for people. My greatest joy is doing things for my loved ones. And one of my greatest fears is ever hurting someone's feelings or being deliberately cruel. One of the negatives about having a big heart is that you feel things deeply. So, I tend to get hurt easily. I can get hysterical over harm to animals or even over things that happend to people I don't even know. My ex-boyfriend caught me sobbing about the girl that was recently kidnapped and found dead. He felt I should reserve my feelings for people we know. But I like to think we are a community of human beings. We should feel bad when bad things happen in our community. We should take it personally. But not to an extreme. I even take it personally every time one of our troops dies in Iraq. Because I can't help thinking about how I would feel in all those instances if that person was someone that I loved.

I am also very tactile so I tend to be physically affectionate with people. I have to remember sometimes that strangers I am just meeting might not be prepared for a hug. I tend to do what comes naturally and sometimes that means I don't respect people's physical boundaries.

I just finished reading a book last night called "My Sister's Keeper" and I found the ending so upsetting that I couldn't go to sleep. It was really good but so sad. I feel like I need to find a balance between being positively sensitive and getting carried away by my sensitivity. I guess that will be a new project for me.