Wednesday, January 21, 2004

After talking to several married friends, I have decided that male friends are something you basically have to give up with marriage. I guess men are too insecure to handle it. The weird thing is that if Bill wanted to go out with a close female friend, it wouldn't bother me. But I am typically a trusting loyal person. Unless given reason not to be. I guess I just don't like the idea of someone trying to change me or tell me what I can or cannot do. I don't mind compromise and being reasonable, but there is only so much of me that I want to give up for another person. It makes me think of the story "The Awakening." The main character tells her friend that she would die for her children but she wouldn't give up herself. Or something like that. Maybe this is why I will never marry. I'm just too set in my ways. Being asked to give up a friend or set of friends is just unacceptable to me. I can't imagine asking anyone else to do that. Maybe I'm spoiled because my friend Greg continues to see movies with me and have lunch with me occasionally even after he got married. Maybe this makes Sara (his wife, also my friend) jealous sometimes. I doubt it because Sara is a really strong independent person and she knows Greg and I are just friends. And my friend Amy does things with guys etc and she's married. I just wish we could all get past petty jealousies and insecurities. Wouldn't the world be a nicer place?

Oh, well.

I had dinner with a woman I met in Junior League last night. She actually dropped out because the time commitment was too much but we are trying to develop a friendship outside of Junior League. She seems like a really nice down-to-earth person. I worry sometimes that I come off as flaky and goofy. And I have a hard time with personal boundaries. There are few things that I don't feel comfortable sharing. Because I like making life connections with people. "You have suffered from depression before? Me too! So we have that in common!" I like finding out what I have in common with people. But I'm worried that sometimes my exuberance and frankness scare people. I hope I didn't scare Katie off.

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