life by candlelight

I'd like to talk a little bit about self-image today. And maybe some tomorrow.

I actually got a good night's sleep last night for a change which was great. I decided to go get my haircut. While I was in the chair, I told my stylist, Jerry, that I wanted to try something new. So I got bangs. And my good haircut left me in a positive mood. So, instead of my usual pants/jeans plus button-down/pullover shirt ensemble, I decided to dress up with a black and white tweed skirt, a fitted black turtleneck and some knee-high boots. That made me feel good, so I decided to add a new white silk flower to my shirt. And then I put on lipstick! This odd chain of events led to compliments from all of my co-workers. I think just about every one complimented me in some fashion. And that raised my spirits even more.

You see, until recently I've always had a pretty good body image. In fact, I had a better image of myself than was realistic. I always thought I was thinner than I was. And then, somehow, over the last two years I packed on twenty pounds. That is not an exagerration. Now, nothing fits and for the first time in my life, I am ashamed of my body. I hate the way I look. I'm trying to eat better and exercise but the limitations of my body right now tend to discourage me. And with this change in body image comes a change in confidence. My self-confidence has taken a dive. That's why it amazes me that a decent haircut, a nice outfit and a bunch of compliments can affect me like this. I can just about catch a glimpse of my old confident self. The one who was mostly happy in her own skin. I've got to get that girl back.