Thursday, March 11, 2004

So, I was listening to one of the CDs my friend Brandon made for me and there is this song by Jimmy Eat World that says "If I don't let myself be happy now, then when?" It made me think about how much control we have over our own happiness. Sometimes, I think I keep waiting for certain things to happen. If only "this" would happen, then I would be happy. But I guess it's more important to just be happy as you are. Not to let it be contingent on other things. I think right now I need to figure out exactly who I want to be and what I want. People tend to rush into relationships because they feel good but may not necessarily meet their ultimate needs. A friend of mine was married for several years and there was no lack of love there but they finally realized that they both wanted different things out of life. Maybe they always had or maybe they had grown in different directions but when all was said and done, they had to divorce. I think friendships can be like that too. Sometimes, you have to part even when there is no lack of affection. It's always hard but I remain hopeful that maybe those relationships can be repaired in the future. In the meantime, I need to decide what I want and to let myself be happy now. Even if I don't have everything I want.

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