Disgruntled workers of the world, unite! If you haven't been to this site yet, go there now. I get all of my work computer wallpaper there.

http://www.despair.com

I have always loved "A Christmas Carol." I don't know why the story appeals to me so much but it really does. My favorite versions are the Albert Finney musical "Scrooge" and Bill Murray's "Scrooged." I love the idea of having this overnight transformation and starting a new life. I used to want to be a really bad person just so I could undergo the magical transformation into someone good and beloved. I really enjoy the scene where Scrooge encounters everyone as his new self and shocks them all. There is such potential for a wonderful new life in those scenes. You just know that Scrooge will live happily ever after. And in the Albert Finney version, he gets to dance around with everyone singing "Thank you very much." And there's nothing better than a good musical number.

Speaking if which...I saw "A Very Long Engagement" which was quite good. I love the director Jean Pierre Jeunet. Very creative. Don't go expecting "Amelie." It's more of a war movie/mystery/love story. I also saw "Andrew Lloyd Webber's Phantom of the Opera." I liked it. If you liked the musical, you'll probably like the movie because it is just the same. Except without Sarah Brightman and Michael Crawford. I have to say the Phantom is much sexier than Raoul. Christine is a fool.

Well, things are a bit calmer at the library. I'm looking forward to having a three day weekend for Christmas. I have decided not to pursue things about my difficult co-worker until after the holidays. It's just too crazy right now. In the meantime, I will just try and avoid her.

I went to Texas last weekend. Flew into Dallas, then flew to Austin, then drove to San Antonio for a day. Visited all my old haunts. I was surprised by how much I miss Dallas. Everything there just felt so familiar and comfortable. All the pretty houses, the great restaurants and stores. We went to the new Nasher Sculpture Garden which was really cool. Dallas seems to be improving. And I'm enjoying getting to know Austin. It's a little more provincial than Dallas but it has a lot to offer. Makes me realize how much I miss Texas. It's one of those things where you don't realize how much you've missed it until you get there.

So, another realization.

I am very short-tempered. This is nothing new. I have been better about controlling it lately, though. I tend to get easily irritated and I'm very short on patience. But, although I anger quickly, I am also quick to get over it. Lately, I've been trying just to keep it in and let myself simmer down before reacting. Because the fact of the matter is, I don't like conflict. I'm not afraid of it but I just prefer everyone to get along.

My problems with my co-worker G. have reached a new level. Actually, a new low. Her constant picking on me, criticizing me and finding fault have finally pushed me over the edge. She really irritates me but I keep it to myself. I don't confront her. I just silently stew until I get over it or I vent to a friend. G. feels the need to confront me constantly. What makes this difficult is that she only has a problem with me. Everyone else thinks she is all sweetness and light. Her actions have brought me to the point that I want to call in sick on days when I know I will be working with her. I'm always on edge because I worry about what I will do today that will make her mad. And it's never intentional. I don't like fighting and I don't want to cause problems. But I always seem to do something to piss her off. I will think that things are moving along merrily and all of a sudden she will confront me with something out of left field. It actually makes my stomach hurt just thinking about it.

Yesterday, I submitted a formal complaint in writing to my boss. I didn't know what else to do. I don't want to be a trouble-maker and I don't want to be one of those people who runs to tattle on her co-worker. I have never dealt with this before in a work situation and it's really hard. I prefer to deal with things on my own. But I'm tired of being constantly attacked. It's creating a hostile working environment for me. So, I'm meeting with my boss today to discuss it. And I'm really nervous about it. But I have to do something. I'm tired of dreading going to work.

So, I've just had a realization about myself. I am someone who strictly adheres to rules. I think I take comfort in the order that rules provide. And I also have this finely-tuned sense of fairness and justice. Sometimes, I am such a stickler about rules that I can't see beyond them. I remember when I was younger, I would tell friends, "Don't climb on that. You're not supposed to go in there. Don't do that because it's dangerous. Wear a condom." I'm all about rules.

Which makes me a real hardass at the library. Where my co-workers are likely to let certain things slide, I won't. I hardly ever cancel fines because I don't think it's fair to other people. You do the crime, you do the time. Some part of me feels that rules are there for a reason. That they create order in society. And I don't like bending or breaking them. This is both a good and bad thing. But definitely something I need to recognize about myself.

Okay, I didn't mean to start a firestorm of controversy with the "church" conversation that I posted. I just found what the people were saying quite interesting.

I'm not out to change anyone's mind or force religion on anyone. I would feel just as frustrated if someone had been talking about temples or mosques. Maybe pretty windows and music ARE a starting point for some people. But I don't think that's the case with these people.

Going to church serves specific purposes. Worship and fellowship. I find that if I don't go to church for long periods of time that I start to get moody and upset without knowing why. Spirituality is not just a solitary thing. We all need our private time for prayer, reflection and meditation. But part of Christianity is also fellowship with your other Christians. I love going to church (even though I go alone and I don't know anyone) and just being with other people who share my beliefs. I love the congregational confessions of sins and raising our voices in song for worship.

There is a time and a place for everything. Many places of worship DO have beautiful architecture that everyone should enjoy. AND beautiful music. But if you just want to sing Christmas carols, there are plenty of other places to do that. And if you just want to check out the windows, you can do that at other times. It is a mockery of people who actually go to spiritual venues to worship to make fun of their beliefs, their sermons etc and just go there as a tourist. If I believed that the woman in the conversation was actually serious about trying out different churches and/or faiths, I wouldn't be offended. But I don't care for looky-loos who just want to hang out and look at decorations.

I will always welcome people to my church who come in a spirit of learning and/or fellowship. Who come with a sense of respect. The same respect that I would carry with me into a place of worship of another faith. My friends who have commented thus far are all correct. People start down the road of faith from different places. For some, music and art can be starting points. And I agree with that. I just don't want people coming to my church to hang out and then disrespect those of us who come there to worship.

I was going to write about my overheard conversation from yesterday's blog but Greg just pointed out an editorial in today's Rocky Mountain News that just killed me.

Look it up in its entirety at:
http://www.rockymountainnews.com/drmn/news_columnists/article/0,1299,DRMN_86_3379477,00.html

It is called "The Breaking Point" by Paul Campos. He writes about staring at a parked Ford Excursion in a shopping mall parking lot and how the sight of this vehicle slowly makes him mad. Here are a few excerpts:

"The most awe-inspiring feature of this particular Excursion is a plastic decal shaped like a yellow ribbon, which its owner has affixed to the back door. The ribbon is embossed with the message, "Support Our Troops." ...

To the owner of the Ford Excursion who implores us to Support Our Troops I say this: You, sir, (or madam) are a monumental jackass. At this moment, American troops are risking their lives to protect your inalienable right to live your life in an impenetrable fog of selfishness and stupidity.

If not for the need to service this grotesque monstrosity on which you squander your money and that of the taxpayers who subsidize your comfortably numb life, those troops you support would not be getting killed and maimed in a country I doubt you could find on a map.
I sometimes wonder if anything short of dynamite can shatter your complacent fantasy that the Iraq war is about bringing democracy to the Middle East.

The truth is that every Arab from Casablanca to Khartoum could be cutting his brother's throat, and yet this would remain a matter of indifference to our government, if not for the need to ensure that you will be able to fill your Excursion with cheap gasoline.

To expect others to sacrifice everything for you, while advertising by your own behavior that you will sacrifice exactly nothing for them, is the height of political and social immorality. And to do so while claiming your political views are an expression of "moral values" is an obscene joke.

Drive off, Ford Excursion. Head back to your gated community, to patiently await the Rapture, or the next Nordstrom's sale. You've driven me past the limits of pundit endurance, and I long to return to the world of thoughtful observation. "

Hear, hear Professor Campos! Maybe he read my blog a few weeks ago when I complained about those ubiquitous yellow ribbons and how they seem quite shallow and superficial. This article gave me a much-needed laugh. Har har.

So, here is the gist of a conversation I overhead in a restaurant yesterday. A man and two women were sitting in the booth next to me and I couldn't help but listen in...

Older Woman: I'd like to go to church for Christmas but I don't want to go alone. And I don't know where to go.

Younger Woman: What kind of church are you looking for?

Older woman: Well, I really like churches with beautiful windows and pretty music. There is one over on the DU campus. It's Catholic, I think.

Man: It's not Catholic. It's unaffiliated.

Younger Woman: Just as well. Catholics are so weird about stuff.

Older woman: Well, I just want pretty windows and pretty music. I don't care about sermons. I never listen anyway.

Younger Woman: Yeah, me neither. I just like to look around. Sermons are boring. Don't go to a Lutheran church. They are just like Catholics. Someone once told me, if you are Catholic, you'll feel really comfortable in a Lutheran church because they are exactly the same.

Older woman: Well, I'll just try and find a pretty church. I don't care what kind it is.


Now, you know I was just dying to butt into this conversation. I'll talk about my thoughts on it tomorrow. For now, just enjoy the crazy things that people say. I get so tired of my fellow human beings sometimes.

How did Jesus do it?

Strange Things I Have Seen Driving Around My Neighborhood

1. A man standing on the sidewalk a week ago ripping up a "Pete Coors for Senate" poster and then stomping on the pieces. Hey buddy! Calm down! We won! We don't need to be angry.

2. an old lady driving a bright yellow Volkswagon bug (cute!)

3. a pickup truck with a beauty school mannequin head dangling from under the back bumper...the guy had painted it to look bloody

4. a truck speeding by with a giant bronze bear in the bed facing forward like it was a parade float

I'm going to keep adding to this list because it's crazy out there!

So, I have come up with a new term: "brain sorbet."

A book or movie is "brain sorbet" when you use it cleanse your palate. So to speak. For instance, I am reading the new Agatha Raisin mystery right now. It's fluffy and uncomplicated and you can read it in a night. I sometimes read books like that in between more complicated works of literature just to give my brain a rest. You know, it's "brain sorbet."

My friend Greg says that works with movies too. Sometimes you need a fluffy silly little film in the middle of watching a bunch of complex ones just to give your brain a rest.

We all need a bit of fluff now and then.

So, Thanksgiving is over and it went well. My mom and Gary got to meet and I got to have my friends over for dinner. And that's always fun. Now comes the inevitable letdown after bustling activity. My house feels really quiet and my job feels intolerable.

I need a new job. If anyone knows any good websites, books, etc on how to find a nonprofit job, let me know. I just can't stand being at the library anymore. I'm constantly in a bad mood and I snap at customers. I'm becoming one of those grouchy DMV people.

Gary gave me my Christmas present early and I am now the proud owner of an iPOD. I love it! It can hold 10,000 songs so I'm not likely to fill it up anytime soon. All I want to do is just sit in front of my computer and download songs for my iPOD. I even got it this cute pink leather protective cover. I'm going to have lots and lots of fun with it.

I liked the list posted on the SUGAR IN THE RAW blog, so I thought I'd post my own.

THINGS THAT I AM THANKFUL FOR

1.Gary (the Love of my Life)

2. My Friends and Family (they're basically the same thing)

3. My lovely home

4. Having a job

5. Being surrounded by likeminded people

6. the opportunity to volunteer and help others

7. my cat, Toulouse

8. free DVDs at the library

9. books, books, books

10. cool museums in Denver

11. cards and letters in the mail

12. unexpected surprises

13. Cherry Creek Mall

14. good health

15. opportunities to travel and see the world

HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!

So, there's a new blog in town.

The Dewey Diaries chronicles true-life tales from an unnamed Colorado library. You'll get to read all about the crazy customers and day-to-day moments of several disgruntled library workers. Check it out. (no pun intended)

http://www.deweydiaries.blogspot.com

So, I am having trouble with weirdos today. First of all, this guy I went on one or two dates with about four months ago has been calling me. He's a nice guy but I just don't want to be friends with him. It's not my habit to buddy up with guys I've dated in the past.

THEN, this guy that used to stalk me at the library showed up again today. I thought he had finally given up because he hasn't really bothered me lately. Well, today he showed up with a pink rose for me.

THEN, this crazy guy who always causes problems came in and started yelling about how good I look today. He asked me why I was dressed up and I told him it was because I have an event to go to tonight. (I'm doing a Junior League facilitation) So he said, "Well, tell me where you're going 'cause I wanna be there!" with this lascivious grin. My friend and co-worker Gary was mortified by the guy's behavior. This customer is a Class A Pig.

I guess this tells me that I should stick to jeans and plain shirts for work and never dress up. I'm telling you, it's raining crazy people and stalkers today. Is it a full moon or something?

This is my kind of quiz...


You speak eloquently and have seemingly read every
book ever published. You are a fountain of
endless (sometimes useless) knowledge, and
never fail to impress at a party.What people love: You can answer almost any
question people ask, and have thus been
nicknamed Jeeves.What people hate: You constantly correct their
grammar and insult their paperbacks.

What Kind of Elitist Are You?

So, I have a confession to make. I really love holidays. I think I have decorations in my basement for just about every holiday. Any chance to celebrate life, right? But I really love the period from Halloween through New Year's Eve. I don't like being hit over the head with Christmas decorations in October but, when appropriate, I really like seeing decorations start to go up. I really lament not having a yard because I would be the crazy person on the block with the giant inflatable turkey at Thanksgiving and the gazillion Christmas lights twinkling on the house. I love decorating my house and playing Christmas carols. I love caroling and going ice skating. I love driving around looking at Christmas lights with a thermos of hot cocoa. I love curling up and watching my favorite holiday movies. And most of all, I love shopping for present for people!

I went to see "Polar Express" with a lot of misgivings. I'm usually a purist about books and I didn't like the idea of one of my favorites being made into a weird-looking movie. But I actually enjoyed it. I even got teary-eyed at the end. I think seeing that movie officially opened my holiday season.

Now, I don't typically care that much about getting presents. I really don't. I get the most enjoyment out of GIVING presents. But if I were to make a "pie in the sky" list for Santa this year it would be:

1) 20 or 40 GB I-Pod
2) Kodak digital camera like Sara's
3) anything off my Amazon wish list
4) lots of frequent flyer miles!!!!!
5) gift certificates to restaurants and movie theaters

I'm so looking forward to Thanksgiving. Only a week away!

So, I have developed a new pet peeve.

A few hours after the planes hit the World Trade Center, I was driving down I-25 and saw a man standing on an overpass waving an American flag for all he was worth. It kind of brought tears to my eyes. It was a small statement of both solidarity and spirit. It said, "we will not be defeated and we will never give up." Well, that statement was quickly corrupted for me when everyone started driving around with flags covering their automobiles.

It was like everyone had to jump on the flag-waving bandwagon. (as comedian David Cross puts it) Now, the latest trend in Denver is for everyone to put those ridiculous large magnetic yellow ribbons on their cars that say "Support Our Troops." Those magnets just really offend me. Honestly, who doesn't "support our troops?" What those magnets really mean is "support the war." Just because I don't believe that my fellow Americans should be sent across the ocean to die for a cause I don't believe in doesn't mean that I don't SUPPORT THE TROOPS! One of my dearest friends has been serving over in the Middle East during all of this mess. He knows I support the troops. I don't need a bumper sticker to say "Hey, look at me, I'm a patriot!" Being a patriot doesn't mean accepting whatever your leadership says without questioning. It doesn't mean always going with the norm and never standing up for what you truly believe in. It doesn't mean vilifying people who happen to have a difference of opinion. And it doesn't stop at simply waving flags around and covering your car in propaganda.

Being a patriot means loving your country and fighting to make it the best that it can be. It means standing up for what you believe in even if it isn't popular opinion. It means going out to vote and campaigning for the candidate you believe in. And even if your candidate loses, it means working to make sure that you keep the winner honest by bombarding him or her with lobbying e-mails, letters and phone calls.

I don't need a sticker or a ribbon or even a flag to tell the world that I'm a patriot and that I support the troops. I just have to live my life like I do.

So, I have been thinking lately about where we learn our values and morals. Obviously, we typically learn them from family members or other influential adults. I am of a mind that being raised in a church affected my moral view of the world. My boyfriend believes it is the responsibility of parents to teach their children and that church isn't necessary. And maybe that's true. But I think going to church affected the person I have become. (and, incidentally, my boyfriend was raised Catholic so who knows how that may have influenced his development) There is (another) great article in the December issue of ELLE that is called "Confessions of a Very Good Girl" by Carlene Bauer and it talks about this very issue. Bauer talks about the lasting imprint of her strict religious upbringing even though she is no longer a practicing Christian in the framework of visiting a Christian women's conference. This is my favorite part:

"And yet the words the Gospel writers have Jesus speaking--"This is my commandment: love one another as I have loved you"--still have a hold on me. So while I feel that Jesus as I understood him would not be down with the intolerance aired onstage, I also feel that he wouldn't want me to be standing here seething with bitter and self-righteous feelings. Jesus might even feel moved to remind me that is was Christianity that helped me to build a strong sense of purpose and self-respect--qualities that drove me to excel at school and eventually got me to New York. Jesus made me who I am today, I suppose. And I'm still having a hard time deciding whether that's something to value or to regret, or both. Sometimes it seems that all I got from those years of churchgoing was the inability to lie. But my religious education also taught me to value people and ideas over money. It taught me that abstract concepts of love and justice and mercy can be, should be made real. It gave me--pardon the expression--character.

It happened that before I got religion I got feminism, and it was religion that introduced me to the notion that there was more to life than boys; it helped me to avoid the messes girls get into when they can't see any other way to feel good about themselves.....Christianity tells you that you are destined for something more than life on earth, and while I wasn't particularly looking forward to heaven--it seemed at once terrifying and boring--I did respond to the idea that we were more than our bodies..."

It's a thoughtful article and I recommend that you look it up and read it.

I feel that Christianity made me who I am today. I did learn values from the adults around me growing up but most of those adults were in the religious sphere.

Can you be a moral person without religion? Of course you can. But I like what Christianity has taught me and I like the examples that is sets. And I hope to raise my children in the church someday. While their godless communist of a father sits at home and watches football. (just kidding Gary)

So, what ever happened to common courtesy? Politeness? Etiquette?

It seems like people are just rude and self-centered nowadays. There is a great article in the new issue of ELLE magazine about people and their food hangups. You can't have a good old-fashioned dinner party anymore without worrying who's a vegetarian, who is on Atkins, who isn't eating sugar, who is only eating white foods this month. You practically have to get a list of people's food issues before you have a party and then try to figure out what the heck to serve.

The only food issues I really have are that I don't eat veal or lamb and I try to avoid red meat for personal reasons. I really can't eat veal or lamb. It makes me sick. But if I'm served red meat, I'll eat it because I don't want to offend my host. I would never want to embarrass someone over food they are serving me when I am the guest.

I have also experienced the following:

1) When you make plans with someone and then cancel for a better offer....that's rude.

2) When you show up to a dinner party or special event and bring someone who wasn't invited without asking...that's rude.

3) When someone brings you a host/hostess gift and then you make a big show about how you don't like it...that's rude.

4) When you show up late or make people wait on you when you are a guest...that's rude.

5) When you complain about what you are being served when you are a guest...that's rude.

What is so hard about just being polite? If you don't like something on your plate, just push it aside. Don't eat it. And don't make a big deal about it. When you RSVP in the affirmative for an event, you should go unless you are sick or something major comes up. People plan events according to RSVPs and it's rude to cancel for no good reason at the last minute. Also, if you have RSVP'd in the negative, don't show up at the last minute after all.

What is so hard about all of this? I'm not perfect but I'm making an effort to be more polite. I'm even reading classics of etiquette like Leticia Baldridge and Emily Post. Because common courtesy goes a long way in keeping people from getting offended and having their feelings hurt.

There are some very interesting Op-Ed pieces in the New York Times today. One of the best is on religion and politics by Gary Hart. Check it out here:

http://www.nytimes.com/2004/11/08/opinion/08hart.html

We Democrats really dropped the ball this time around. And I think pieces like this one and others that have come out in the last week (such as works by Arianna Huffington and comments by Bill Maher) have really pointed out where we fell apart. Hopefully, we can learn from all of this and move on. But the one thing I really agree with and that I've been thinking a lot about is this trend to combine religion and politics. And not just any religion, it HAS to be Christianity. The separation of church and state is becoming more and more ambiguous and that troubles me because that way of thinking excludes a large portion of our country. I"ve always thought one of our strengths was our diversity, open-mindedness and inclusiveness. Well, at least we still have diversity. Anyway, check out the article. It's very thoughtful.

So, my mourning period is over. Kerry was the first candidate I believed in in a long time. So, after all that faith and hard work, it is a painful blow to lose. But I still believe. And I watched my very favorite Colorado senator Ken Gordon get re-elected. And before too long, I will see Mayor Hickenlooper of Denver become the next governor. And I sobbed when listening to Kerry's concession speech but it was very moving. I won't lose faith. We will overcome. In the meantime, I dedicate this New Radicals song to Kerry and his followers:

"Wake up kids
We've got the dreamers disease
Age 14 we got you down on your knees
So polite, you're busy still saying please
Fri - enemies, who when you're down ain't your friend
Every night we smash their Mercedes - Benz
First we run and then we laugh till we cry
But when the night is falling
And you cannot find the light
If you feel your dream is dying
Hold tight
You've got the music in you
Don't let go
You've got the music in you
One dance left
This world is gonna pull through
Don't give up
You've got a reason to live
Can't forget
you only get what you give
Four a. m. we ran a miracle mile
Were flat broke but hey we do it in style
The bad rich
God's flying in for your trial
This whole damn world can fall apart
You'll be ok follow your heart
You're in harms way
I'm right behind
Now say youre mine
Fly high
What's real can't die
You only get what you give
Just dont be afraid to leave
Health insurance rip off lying FDA big bankers buying
Fake computer crashes dining
Cloning while they're multiplying
Fashion mag shoots
With the aid of 8 dust brothers
Beck, Hanson
Courtney Love and Marilyn Manson
You're all fakes
Run to your mansions
Come around
We'll kick your ass in!
Don't let go
One dance left
Championed by a soulless media misleading
People unaware they're bleeding
No one with a brain is believing
It's so sad you lost the meaning
Never knew it anyway
Human natures so predictable
I'm a fool to do your dirty work whoa, whoa "


Kerry supporters....you've got the music in you. Don't lose faith.

Well, the library staff is very quiet today. I think we are all hurt and demoralized by the turn of events. I guess this is really hard for me because I worked so hard on this campaign. I cared enough to host fundraising parties, attend rallies and go door to door canvassing. How many of you Bush supporters can say you cared enough to do that?

Time will tell what will happen. I predict we will engage in other wars no one understands simply for the agenda and profit of Bush and his cronies. (Halliburton seems to be making lots of money off Iraq already so Bush can check that off his list) More Americans will die on foreign soil for reasons none of us can understand. The poor will get poorer. Unemployment will be higher. Gays will be persecuted more than ever. The draft will be reinstated. (and now they are saying it will include women ages 18-34) And we WILL be attacked again because the world hates us now.

The nation voted for Bush because they felt he was the "moral" choice. Well, if you want to vote for a leader on the basis of his stance on abortion and gay marriage and how much he publicizes his church attendance, then you voted for the right person. Because, after all, that's all we really need in a leader, right?

But Kerry is also a Christian. He just doesn't use it for political gain. And sometimes morality means more than just being anti-abortion. How about programs for the poor? Better education? Better healthcare? More equality? Basic domestic issues that Bush chooses to ignore in the name of flashy media-grabbing wars. Bush does not speak to the lowest common denominator. As he has said many times, his "base" consists of the wealthiest elite. He doesn't care about you. You don't have enough money to mean anything to him.

So, congratulations Bush supporters. You got us four more years of benefits for the elite few. I hope it was worth it.

So, I'm suffering from bronchitis right now but I thought I'd give one last ditch effort for the Kerry campaign.

I know some of you are still on the fence and I understand that. If you don't feel Kerry is the better man for the job, don't vote for him. But don't vote for Bush either.

What exactly has Bush done for you lately? Seriously.

His biggest campaign issue is National Security. If you believe Bush really makes America safer, check out Richard Clark's book AGAINST ALL ENEMIES. Richard Clark is nonpartison. He was the terrorism czar under Bush and worked under every White House president since Reagan. 9/11 happened on Bush's watch and for good reason. He and his staff chose to ignore repeated warnings from intelligence and refused to spend any money to set up the National Security office that Clinton's administration had left plans for. Now, he talks all about this new Homeland Security thing he set up. He had the opportunity to do that BEFORE 9/11 and did not. In retrospect, it seems pretty piss poor.

His domestic policies are so bad that many Republicans are switching parties. Yes, Bush gave most of us $300 but in the long run, does that really help? By doing that insignificant tax cut, he was forced to cut many valuable programs. And even though he got things like No Child Left Behind passed, he allocated no money for the programs.

He ran Texas into the ground as governor and now he is doing the same to our country. Isn't it time for a change?

Well, I cast my vote over my lunch hour. They have been encouraging people to do early voting to be sure your vote actually gets counted. I was so excited I could barely contain myself. I have always been a fast test-taker and from middle school through grad school my professors would always strongly encourage me to double-check my answers. I never did. I never saw the point. Well today I double-checked my ballot FOUR TIMES. I was convinced that while I was looking at the other ballot issues, my Kerry vote would surreptitiously change to a Bush vote. But everything looked fine so I hit the VOTE button and walked over to the table to grab my "I voted" sticker which I will wear proudly all day. The little old lady at the judges' desk smiled at me and said "Good for you, honey." Yes, good for me. Good for Kerry. Good for our country. We shall overcome, baby!

So, I'm in the library today doing what I usually do when I have some downtime. Thinking about Gary. (isn't that gross? Love can make you stupid sometimes.)

There are these great lyrics in Heather Combs' song "Hold Me Now" that make me think of him.

"so afraid of everything i feel but wanting you with all my might
and this is not what i expected, oh but you turned my head
this is not what i expected, it's everything i've needed

it's the way you touch me
the way you see my heart
the way you whisper my name
when we're lying in the dark
the way you take my words
and keep the secrets that you know
the way you hold me
baby don't you let me go"

I think part of me is always asking Gary not to let me go. Maybe I'm having trouble reconciling my little brain to the idea that someone as wonderful as him isn't going to disappear in a puff of smoke. This is certainly not what I expected. But it truly is everything I needed.

So, I spent part of my Sunday yesterday going door to door for the Kerry campaign. It's kind of an interesting experience. You get a little clipboard that lists addresses on it. For each address, the adult voters are listed and it tells you which party they are affiliated with. I'm a pretty shy person so the whole experience was pretty stressful. You never know if you are going to piss people off. Not many people were home but of the ones who were, every one was a Kerry supporter. Including those listed as unaffiliated/undecided. It made me feel very hopeful about the election. I will also be volunteering on election day. It's the big push!

I cancelled my subscriptions to the Denver Post/Rocky Mountain News this morning. They both came out endorsing Bush. But the surprising thing was that the editorials were very negative about Bush. Basically, they spent the whole endorsement saying how bad he is and then they endorsed him! I feel they cannot be fair and balanced. Ever since Reagan got rid of the Fairness in media, our media outlets are controlled by a few. We can't get any real unbiased reporting anymore. I have to read the Guardian online to get any decent news about my own country. How sad is that?

Anyway, I'm feeling more confident than ever that Kerry will win. How anyone can still be a Bush supporter after everything that has come to light about him amazes me. I'm not saying people need to be Kerry supporters. But how can anyone in good conscience vote for Bush? I don't get it. Are they just that ignorant and uninformed? It's really amazing.

So, today I'm in the library alone. We're closed on Fridays and Greg and I trade off going in and doing delivery and the bookdrop. It's kind of nice because I can listen to music or NPR while I work and there is no one around to bother me. Specifically...customers.

Today, I'm listening to my new CD "Heather Combs Band Live at the Little Fox." Heather is a friend of Gary's and her band is quite popular in the Bay Area. He took me to see them play and they were great! I was so impressed I decided I had to have all of their CDs. They have such a great rockin' sound and, on top of that, all of them are so nice. They have all been really welcoming and warm towards me and I appreciate that. Heather even joked that she would play at my and Gary's wedding someday. It's nice to be able to mark that off the list! ;)

Anyway, if you're looking for something new to listen to, check out their website in my blog links. Also, if you're in the Bay Area, go to their show. You won't be disappointed.

So, I was privileged enough to be invited to a wedding between two women in Reno a few weeks ago. And it was probably the most heartfelt wedding I have ever been to. One of the women heads up a very successful band in San Francisco and the other is a successful Abstract Expressionist artist. So, the whole event was pretty creative.

As I sat there during the ceremony, it didn't seem strange to me at all. All I saw was two people in love making a commitment to each other in front of family and friends. It was wonderful. They weren't doing it because society expected it of them or because it was the conventional thing to do. They did it out of sincere love and commitment for one another.

I've seen lots of heterosexual marriages I don't respect. It seems that divorce and infidelity are becoming the standards of the day. Marriage is tough. Really hard work I feel that if people actually want to go through all of that together, they should be allowed to. It's not let heterosexuals are setting a particularly good example.

And if some of you are so concerned about defining marriage as being between a man and woman that you need an amendment about it. Fine. But then you must start giving homosexual couples the same rights as married ones. Even if you don't define them as married. Because it's the right thing to do and our country wasn't founded on discrimination. We need equality across the board and true liberty and justice for ALL.

Well, tonight is the next debate! I'm looking forward to it!

I watched the premiere episodes of "Desperate Housewives" last night and I really liked it. But it got me thinking about a subject that has been running around in my head lately.

On Alanis Morrisette's new albums, there is a line in the first song that says,
"How to hate women when you're supposed to be a feminist."

Why is this such a problem for women? I saw an episode of "The Apprentice" and the women's team is always fighting and bitching and back-stabbing each other. Can we not work together and support each other? Why do we always have to be so competitive and catty with one another? Even without meaning to I think we sometimes find ourselves silently criticizing other women's appearances. Their clothes. Their makeup. Their hair. Their weight. Especially their weight! And we are quick to label each other bitches and sluts and battleaxes and bimbos.

These days, we are taught to be strong and independent. But we try so hard to fulfill those roles that we often cannot work together. Given a choice to be on an all-female team or be the only female on an all-male team, I would choose the all-male team. I find my friendships with the men in my life to be so much easier. And I'm not sure why. Maybe men are just more upfront about who they are and what they are thinking.

There is a book that came out a few years ago called "Woman's Inhumanity to Woman" about this phenomenon where women are no longer supportive of one another but in constant competition with each other. I wish we could start working on this. It's time for us to be supportive of one another instead of tearing each other down.

So, today is a big day for two reasons. First of all, today is DEBATE DAY!!! I hope it will be a good one. I feel as if the two camps are more interested in appearances than issues at the moment. And that's not good.

The second reason that today is a big day is that I went home at lunch and found the NEIMAN MARCUS CHRISTMAS BOOK in my mailbox. Woohoo!!! I look forward to this catalog every year. I love flipping through it to find out what fantasy gifts they are offering each year. This year's fantasy gifts include your own personal bowling alley and your own personal Zeppelin that carries 15 people! Neiman Marcus has always been a special place for me and my immediate family. I can remember going with my mom and dad to visit the Neiman Marcus Holiday Shop at Christmastime and going to see the fabulous window displays downtown. I also get to each at the downtown Zodiac tea room, shop for food goodies at the Epicurean, eat lunch the Little Mermaid, visit the animatronic History of Neiman Marcus showcase and visit the many fabulous Fortnight events they had throughout the 1980's . Yes, it's decadent and expensive but it is so fun to walk through . All the pretty clothes and baubles. You don't even have to buy anything to have a good time. Sometimes, when I'm feeling out of sorts, I drive to the mall just to walk through Neiman Marcus. And sometimes, I'll find something special, like the Christmas gift I bought for mom this year.

Neiman Marcus....the OTHER happiest place on earth.

So, I have a new theme song. I've been listening to Annie Lennox's "Little Bird" to get pumped up. It makes me think of all those times I was crippled by depression in college. Here are a few lyrics:

"I walk along the city streets
So dark with rage and fear
And I...I wish that I could be that bird
And fly away from here
I wish I had the wings to fly away from here
But my my I feel so low
My my where do I go ?
My my what do I know ?
My my we reap what we sow
They always said that you knew best
But this little bird's fallen out of that nest now
I've got a feeling that it might have been blessed
So I've just got to put these wings to test

For I am just a troubled soul
Who's weighted...Weighted to the ground
Give me the strength to carry on
Till I can lay this burden down
Give me the strength to lay this burden down down down yeah
Give me the strength to lay it down"

I like the idea of strengthening our wings and putting them to the test with flying. It's so easy to live in fear but I sometimes you just have to make that leap of faith. I haven't been really depressed since college. And now that I've made that leap of faith with Gary, I really do feel like I could fly away. I'm just happy all the time. It's crazy.

I wanted to let you all know that my cousin has been found. She was located in a hospital outside of Paris. She was out of her mind and had no idea where her backpack with her passport and credit cards had gone. It turns out they had found a doctor who spoke English and he was finally able to get her name and U.S. phone number out of her. The hospital then contacted my aunt and uncle and my uncle flew to France to retrieve her. I am relieved she is safe. I can't imagine what she must have been through wandering the streets of Paris for a week in that state and I'm grateful she's okay. Thank you for all of your prayers and good thoughts. I know they helped to bring her home.

So, I have to ask for some help today.

I just found out this morning that my cousin Molly who is very mentally ill (and a few years younger than me) has been missing for a week. My aunt and uncle have contacted the police and found out her cell phone hasn't been used since last Tuesday. This has very profoundly affected me and I'm trying to keep it together while I'm work at today and not fall apart.

I am asking that, if you are so inclined, you put my cousin Molly and my family in your prayers and thoughts. She is very naive and has been very sheltered so I'm very worried about what could happen to her. So, please pray that she will be brought home safely. I know she won't be far from my thoughts today. And every day until she is brought home.

So, I have something embarrassing to admit. One of my favorite guilty pleasure t.v. shows returns to t.v. tomorrow night. Yes, that's right. AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL. Why do I like this show so much? I don't know. It's just so over the top. I like seeing the ridiculous contests and stunts they put the skinny little bitches through. (I don't really think they're bitches, it's just fun to say that) This time, they will have a "plus-size" model. Oooooo. If Janice Dickinson is still a judge, that poor girl will be the first one booted off. If you aren't 5'10" and 125 pounds, you don't have a chance on that show. Anyway, I'll be watching tomorrow night. And I can't wait. I wonder if it's possible to create a drinking game around ANTM? Hmmm...

As for tonight, Amy H. and I will be hitting the Sting/Annie Lennox concert. It may even be snowing when we leave the Pepsi Center tonight. I'll let you know how it goes...

So, I'm teaching Sunday school again and we are doing really hard-hitting stuff this time. I am teaching the older kids about the history of Israel and the origins of all of the battles surrounding it. It's really tough material but it seems to engage the kids. We have lots of good talks about possible solutions for this part of the world. One of my favorites:

A fourth-grade boy said, "Why don't we just sell it to Egypt? That way no one gets it."

Good point.

I have been reading a contemporary Christian book called YEARNING by Barnes and it has a lot of good stuff in it. Barnes talks a lot about the modern preoccupation with fulfillment. Especially in the guise of self-help and therapy. And he posits the question as to whether God means for us to be fulfilled. It's very interesting. One part in particular caught my attention. It has to do with what Barnes calls "the Christian Subculture."

Here is an excerpt:

"[Christians] pretend that by circling the wagons of the church they can hold off the harshness of the secular world around them. They have their own fellowship groups, jargon, hero figures, music (both sacred and rock) and even political lobbyists. It adds up to an isolated religious culture created to protect them, and their children, from the arrows of secular influence. The effect is to put the church in competition with the world rather than in loving mission to it."

I think this is a common problem with Christianity today. I especially see it with some of my family members. One of my pastors told us in bible study that he really doesn't like the whole LEFT BEHIND series phenomena. The problem with focusing on being taken out of the world and leaving people behind is that Christianity is supposed to be about our mission WITHIN the world. Sharing the good news with others. Not setting ourselves apart from everyone else. I know a lot of Christians take issue with how I live my life. But I think God put us all here for a reason. And while I am alive, I intend to live IN the world. Not isolate myself from it.

So, I've been thinking...
In OUT OF AFRICA, Karen says, "When the gods want to punish you, they answer your prayers."

A long time ago, I asked God to send me someone to share my life who I would have lots in common with. He sent me Erik. An only child who liked all the same things I did. But he was never around, didn't understand me and never really loved me.

So, the next time around, after dating a few losers, I asked God to send me someone who appreciated me and was crazy about me. He sent me Nick. A man who made me feel adored and appreciated. But Nick was a workaholic who had very low self-esteem and ended to things to "protect" me. The timing was bad.

So, I dated around again and then decided to get more specific. I asked God for someone who not only loved me but also had time for me. So, I got Bill. Bill cared about me and was always with me but we had nothing in common and nothing to really build upon. Plus, Bill was embarrassed to be seen with me in public although he had plenty of private time for me. Our values and beliefs were completely different and always at odds.

So, I dated around again and decided that I needed to be very specific this time. So, I asked God for someone who was smart, funny, emotionally available, fun to be with, adventurous, kind and generous, passionate, liberal-minded, supportive of my Christianity, and goal-oriented. Someone who would get along with my friends and be willing to go out and do things instead of sit around at home. Someone who would take an interest in the world around him. Someone who would love me for who I really am and not some vision of how they wanted me to be. Someone who would be proud to be with me and who could handle my occasional craziness. And to be sure my message was a good one, I recruited a few friends to pray for me.

And God sent me Gary.

And it was good.

Jury duty is a very interesting experience. I was chosen for a criminal trial and it lasted five days. They never even asked me a single question. It was just a luck thing that I got picked. The defendant was charged with twenty counts of organized crime, conspiracy, theft, fraud, forgery, possession of a forged instrument, criminal impersonation, and computer crime. He chose to defend himself. Big mistake. He seemed a little arrogant. After the trial, we discovered that he had fired his attorney because his attorney wanted him to take a plea bargain because:

a) he had prior felonies
b) the evidence was overwhelming
c) his wife was testifying against him

He wouldn't settle for anything less than dismissal of all charges. So, he fired his attorney saying he could defend himself better. He certainly changed his mind later on.

The defendant was the ringleader in an organized fraudulant check-writing ring. He and his wife "recruited" a few people from shelters who were poor and drug addicts and had them do the check-writing. They created check and false IDs on their computers using Versicheck and Adobe Photoshop. I'm sure it just started out as a way for them to buy groceries and things for their family. But in the end, they bought computers, large screen televisions and were driving a Lexus.

It was really odd to be sitting in judgment of someone else. I mean, I'm not perfect. Who am I to decide someone else's fate? But even though I felt some sympathy for the guy, he was guilty. That's all there is to it. There are lots of people out there struggling and they don't turn to crime. I'm just lucky I'm so blessed in my life.

"Oh, my life is good. I've got more than anyone should."

I know I haven't written in over a week but I have good reasons for it. I served as a juror on a criminal trial all last week. It was a very interesting experience and I'll write all about it later. Then, my darling boyfriend Gary came to Colorado for the weekend. We went to Winter Park with 240 other members of the Hash House Harriers for some fun in the mountains. Now, I'm back at work trying to dig my way out from under the piles on my desk. I hope my co-workers realized just how much I do around here since I wasn't around for five days. Hope everyone had a great Labor Day weekend and I'll catch you all up tomorrow.

So, I watched the movie "Hidalgo" last night which was pretty good. Besides the fact that Viggo Mortensen is so nice to look at. He's the thinking woman's sex symbol. It was a bit slow in parts but I enjoyed it overall. There is just something about those underdog movies. And rooting for the underdog can be fun in real life too. We love the stories where the underdog achieves against all odds. Look at "Seabiscuit" and "Miracle." Maybe that's why I'm not interested in the Olympics anymore. You don't see as many "triumph of the human spirit" stories. The United States dominates since so many pros can compete and steroids and other drugs infiltrate the process. There just isn't as much excitement anymore. We don't really have to fight to come from behind. Is it really as meaningful if it comes easy?

I put a few pictures up from San Francisco on my website.

http://www.amalaise.com/gary

I was presented with yellow roses and wine. I got chaffeured around California, taken to Sonoma wineries, wined and dined at lovely local restaurants, and escorted to hear a rockin' band play. Gary let me play in a local Petaluma bookstore, patiently waited while I went into every store along Haight and Ashbury, allowed me to rent BIG FISH to watch while drinking the wine I bought at a winery, and generally pampered and spoiled me. How did I get so lucky to be with a guy like Gary?

So, I just got back from a weekend in San Francisco with my amazing boyfriend Gary. But before I blog about that, I thought I'd talk a little bit about easy advocacy.

I know a lot of people (myself included) sometimes feel that advocacy is too much work. We all lead busy lives and don't have time to write letters to our congresspeople over every little issue. But I have found lots of ways to get involved online that take less than five minutes. Many nonprofits have developed easy action websites. You can sign up with your e-mail address and every time some important pertinent legislation comes up, they'll e-mail you about it. Then, you go to the website and click a button to send an e-mail. It's that simple. I do these easy action e-mails for the Natural Resources Defense Council, American Heart Assocation and, locally, the Colorado Coalition for the Homeless and the Children's Hospital of Denver. See if your favorite nonprofits have this handy tool and get involved. It's worth it.

Here's the NRDC link:

http://www.nrdc.org/action/

How to make a amalaise

Ingredients: 3 parts mercy 3 parts ambition 3 parts joy

Method: Blend at a low speed for 30 seconds. Add lustfulness to taste! Do not overindulge!

So, part of my job at work is to create interesting displays. It's hard to come up with four displays every month so I have to go to other sources sometimes for ideas. We have this great reference book called Chase's Calendar of Events that gives you every obscure holiday that exists. I had a hard time deciding whether to do a September display celebrating International Gay Square Dancing month or Pleasure Your Mate month. I finally decided on National Homeschool Month since we have a BUNCH of homeschoolers that come to my library.

I got to thinking about homeschooling, though. Most of the homeschooled children that come into our library are very bright and mostly quite polite. But they are all a little strange. I can understand why so many parents would choose to homeschool. You get more individualized attention. You can choose your own curriculum. You can protect your kids. But you also prevent them from experiencing new and different ideas. And you do them the disservice of keeping them from learning to interact with their peers. What will the world be like for these kids who have not developed any social skills or survival skills? One child in particular who comes to the library is beyond precocious. She talks back to adults and is very rude. Her parents tried to send her to camp and she came home after two days because she was homesick and couldn't relate to the other kids. She was used to being the center of attention and constantly coddled.

If people want to homeschool their kids through about fifth grade, I think that's fine. But after that, I think they need to attend school with other kids or they will never successfully integrate.

I'm all about quizzes and tests these days. Today I took http://www.politicalcompass.org/ to see where I fall politically. Surprise, surprise. I fell to the left on the libertarian side. Somewhere right around Nelson Mandela and the Dalai Lama.

Try your luck.

What Classic Movie Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

What Famous Leader Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

Are you bored and/or in the mood for something kooky? Then try the IONS Intuitive Diagnostic Test. It is supposed to be a measure of how intuitive you are. You look at 200 pictures and try to decide if the person is alive or dead just by looking at a picture of then. It's kind of silly and can be a little tedious. I got much better the further along I went. (it tells you if you are right or wrong). I ended up scoring 68% correct. It isn't a true measure of anything but it passes the time.

I got up bright and early this morning to vote in the primary. I was only the fourth person to vote in my precinct. I hope the turnout improves throughout the day.

Okay, so here is an embarrassing secret...I bought Ashlee Simpson's new CD and it's pretty good. She's still really immature and her music can be fairly simplistic but it has a lot of potential. I really like some of her lyrics.

This one makes me think of Gary: "It seems like I can finally rest my head on something real. I like the way that feels."

Here are a few that resonate with me in general: "I am moody, messy, I get restless and it's senseless how you never seem to care." "Got bruises on my heart and sometimes I get dark."

She'll get better as she gets older and I think she's already better than Jessica.

I am a person who expresses herself through books, movies and music. I always feel like many writers/artists express themselves better than me. They often seem to be able to put into words exactly what I'm feeling. So, I use a lot of quotations. Because I like to be able to clearly reveal what I'm feeling. When I was in college, I felt no one could express me better than Sting. Now, I tend to lean towards female writers/artists. I'm not sure what that says about me but there it is. C.S. Lewis once said, "We read to know we are not alone." I also watch movies and listen to music for that same reason. It's a way to share the human experience.

I'm looking forward to the primary tomorrow. My Colorado Senator told me about this website which projects how the electoral votes may go for the Presidential election. It changes daily but it's kind of interesting. Looks like my state may be a battleground. Check it out at http://www.electoral-vote.com

I have been out of contact with Gary since Thursday and it is making me feel out of sorts. But I know he's having a great time at his Reggaefest. Hopefully, we'll talk tonight.

It was a very long and painful weekend. Work was awful on Saturday so I decided to head out with my friends Anna and Amy for a Girls' Night Out. We haven't done that in a long time and it was a very eventful evening. I don't consider myself a wild girl. I'm mostly a homebody but I do like to go downtown occasionally. We started out at a new lounge called Tryst which was quite nice. Anna and I indulged in a special Van Gogh martini that tasted like chocolate and strawberries. For the grand opening event, we were promised $2 parking in the garage so we brought just enough money for that. Well, we got to the booth and the parking attendant had never hear of that. I was cowering in the backseat while Amy and Anna argued with the guy. He ended up calling the police on us! Anna went to complain to the manager of Tryst and he straightened things out. But what a mess! We then headed to our old standby, Red Square, for some vodka. Our favorite waiter, Pasha, was as demonstrative as ever but really crossed the line when he gave Anna a bigger kiss than necessary. Anna really wanted to go dancing so we then headed to Alley Cat. Anna was her old self and confidently lead us through the VIP entrance. No one questioned us and we ended up going VIP for the entire evening. We hung out with a bachelor party that was there and Anna and I ended up dancing on the stage. (which is not something I typically do) I spent a long time talking with a 24-yr-old cynic who is a campaign manager for a local Democrat. And I thought that I was jaded. Whew! It was a fine night but not something you do every weekend. It's nice to know we still can, though. I love being out with my girls. It almost got my mind off Gary. I look forward to hearing about all of his adventures tonight.

It's starting to get rainy outside and I can't wait to get home and settled in with a movie. I'm halfway through with "HellBoy" and I have to say...I kinda like it. I have discovered a pattern in what I like about certain movies like that. I love a good backstory. I am always curious about how a character came to be. How did he/she get his/her powers? What is her/his ultimate purpose? Or if it's a villain...why did he/she come to be that way? I'm still waiting to find out who HellBoy really is. And I can't wait to find out more about Wolverine's past in the X-MEN movies. I think that is always the most interesting thing about characters. How they came to be who they are. And maybe that interests me in people too. I always like finding out about people's pasts. Because, after all, who you are is partially a culmination of your past experiences. I'll let you know how HELLBOY turns out.

Sigh. I'm at work and just received the most beautiful flowers. I was grumpily stomping around the library looking for missing books when my co-workers called me up to the circulation desk with big grins on their faces. A beautiful flower arrangement with a big sunflower was waiting for me there. I nearly passed out. Gary sent them to me just to let me know he's thinking of me. And now I can't stop smiling. My co-workers keep teasing me but I just blush and smile. I'm such a lucky girl. I'm leaving them at the circulation desk so that I can see them all day.

I've never been one for flashy gifts. The things that move me the most are the little gifts given for no particular reason. A random card or letter in the mail can keep me on Cloud Nine for days. A small token or handmade gift sends me over the moon. And I especially love flowers.

I am going to resist the urge to just sit here and gush over how great Gary is. Instead, I'm going to go look at my lovely flowers again. Sigh.

So,  I've been reading this new book about the secret life of sororities called PLEDGED. I wanted to read it because I was in a non-traditional sorority and wanted to see how the other half lived.  So far, the book is pretty hard to put down. It makes me a little wistful because I feel I didn't take full advantage of my sorority experience. And it seems that national sororities have some fun traditions that we didn't have. But, at the same time, there is some pretty awful stuff happening in the national Greek system.  Things I am only to happy to have avoided. In college, I wanted so much to  prove to my non-Greek friends that nothing would change that I hardly did anything with my sorority and missed out on a lot of fun stuff and some possibly great friendships.  I just didn't want the stigma of being a sorority girl.  But now, I wish I had taken advantage of that. I would have had a better time in college.

So, I finally saw "Fahrenheit 9/11" and it was just as upsetting as I thought it would be. On many levels. Although Bush is a sort of Frankenstein created by a bunch of businessman, he cannot hold full responsibility for the occurrences of the past four years. Many liberals stood by and did nothing.  Many Democrats are being funded by the same people, so they won't do anything.  Money really talks in this country and until we have real, honest-to-goodness campaign reform, I fear that nothing will change.

I can't believe I missed Clinton, Gore and Carter last night.  I have been told that Clinton's speech was truly inspirational. I read the transcript and thought it quite good. I think in this time of disillusionment, we could all use some inspiration.  I am going to go to Barnes and Noble tonight to purchase "How to Change the Worldl," a book about the new wave of social entrepreneurship. This may be just the career I've been looking for.  I hope so. Because I'd like to change the world in a positive socially-proactive way. Even if it's just a small change.

Well, yet again, I have been remiss in keeping up with my blogspot. But not much has been happening.  I am still highly distracted by Gary but also crazy happy where he is concerned. Even downright twitterpated.If all goes well, he will be with me again this weekend.

So, I tried to hit the campaign trail on Friday.  Kerry was here and I got a ticket to go to the rally.  He was to be at the Fitzsimmons Base in Aurora. (which is a suburb just east of Denver) I drove out there and parked at Chambers and Colfax to be shuttled over  to the site. They told us the shuttles would come back at about 2:30pm to take us back. I was having a refridgerator delivered around 2pm so I figured I would just leave early and walk back to my car.  Well, because it was raining, they changed the location and didn't tell us until we were driving off on the shuttle. They had moved the location to the Fillmore Auditorium which is almost downtown on Colfax. (ie. the other side of town)  Well, no way could I walk that. They were supposed to let us in at 10am but I was still waiting in line at 11:30am. I decided I would have to give up because I needed to figure out how to get back to my car.

Now, I can get all over Paris on the Metro and London on the Underground but figuring out the Denver bus system is beyond me.  Picture this bewildered white girl in a Kerry/Edwards t-shirt wandering up and down Colfax avenues with the hookers asking passersby if they can tell her which bus goes to Aurora and how much it costs. Pretty pathetic, huh?  And the Denver bus drivers....not nice.  I had two dollars in my pocket and no cell phone so this created quite an adventure.  After about half an hour of walking down Colfax, I figured out which bus to take and with great relief handed over my $1.25.   I thought this would give me the chance to see Denver in a different way. I watched these two women with a four-year-old boy and little baby.  One woman said to the 4-yr-old, "I love you" and he responded, "Kiss my ass."  Maybe this wasn't quite the bus adventure I was hoping for.   I ended up getting off at the wrong stop and having to walk about 20 minutes to my car (which wasn't bad considering where I had come from).  I made it home 15 minutes ahead of the delivery people. 

So, all that effort and I didn't get to see Kerry. But I tried.  I have my Kerry House Party this Friday night so I hope that will go better.  We'll see.

 

So, I have been a little bit distracted lately and haven't been able to write. I met this intriguing man named Gary in New Mexico over Memorial Day weekend. We started e-mailing and then talking on the phone and decided to take a chance and see if our connection would withstand seeing each other in person again.  So, Gary came to Denver and spent the last three days with me.  I am going to do something out of character and NOT share details about the weekend. Because it was special and I kind of want to keep it to myself. Gary is, quite simply, wonderful. And Cruel Fate has him living several states away.  Not to sound like a petulant child but..."IT'S NOT FAIR!!!"  Why does life do this to us? Anyway, I dropped him off at the airport this morning and I know I will be melancholy for days to come. But it was worth it.  So worth it.

A few days ago, I checked out Molly Ivins' new book WHO LET THE DOGS IN? from the library. After reading one chapter, I decided I'd have to own it. I adore Molly Ivins. She is a smart as a whip woman whose books are full of Texas colloquialisms. And her first chapter in the new book is a great call to action for all Americans. (NOT JUST LIBERALS) We, as individuals, need to take back our country from corrupt and self-interested politicians. And we all have the ability to do that. So, all of you, go to the library and read the introduction of this book. I think it will inspire you to get involved. My favorite quote:

"Everybody knows God is nonpartisan, but I swear Jesus was a liberal--the best, the biggest, the original bleeding heart--the one who embraced the outcasts, the model for us all. Just read the stuff in the New Testament written in red. Don't ever try to convince me that Christianity is right-wing."

Amen, sister.

Sorry I haven't been keeping up with my blog lately. I usually do it at work and it has been busy here lately. And I've been trying to do some dating and that is exhausting. No wonder I've never dated more than one man at a time before. You have to put all of this effort and enthusiasm into it. And I have been reciting things about myself so much, I practically have a speech pre-prepared. It seems they all ask the same questions and want to know the same things. So, I start to forget what things I have told which person. But there is one in particular that I feel a certain connection with. Unfortunately, he lives several states away. But I think we'll be working something out in the near future. You never know. Sometimes you have to make a leap of faith. And if it doesn't work out, at least you tried.

Okay, I'm mad. At my family. (on my father's side) We don't always see eye to eye but I love them. They know my politics and beliefs even if they pretend not to.

Last night, my cousin Molly sent me an "urgent" e-mail about supporting the Federal Marriage Amendment. She said it was critical that we do so to maintain the sacred institution of marriage. I politely responded by saying I do NOT support the Amendment and never will. That I think it violates civil rights and is wrong on many levels. She then proceeded to send me ANOTHER e-mail on the subject this morning! Now I'm pissed. I sent out an e-mail calling for action AGAINST the Federal Marriage Amendment. Only to my family. They better not send me any more of that crap.

I am so tired of fighting with everyone about religion. I am not Christian ENOUGH for the Christians and I am TOO Christian for those who are not. I can't win with you people so I don't try. I will continue to try and live my life following the example of Jesus as I see it. The only one I have to be square with is God. And as for the rest of you, you can go butt a stump. (as my mom would say)

So, I first want to congratulate Sen. Kerry on his choice of a running mate. He definitely needs a little charisma in his campaign to get it moving. If Kerry would just take a visible stand on an issue for a change, people would respect him a lot more. But he is coming off as wishy-washy. Not good for a presidential candidate. But, now that Edwards is on board, I have officially joined the campaign. If you go to my personal website, there is a link to my very own John Kerry volunteer page.

Now, on to gluttony. We, as a country, are a nation of consumers. And we typically consume more than our share. I see this at the library every day. Instead of getting one or two videos or DVDs to last you a few days, I see people regularly checking out 20 videos and 7 DVDs at one time. Because they can. And because they sit their fat behinds on the couch for twelve hours a day. And with our Summer Reading Program, it's all about "What do i get?" I've actually had parents calling the library to find out what the prizes are FIRST before they bother signing their kids up. And it doesn't stop here.

At the Fourth of July parade I saw this weekend, people were actually crawling around on the dirty ground and fighting over the candy, beads and other crap that was being thrown from the floats. Because it's free! And we are a nation of overeaters. In Japan, people eat what we would consider a child's portion for dinner. And we're all about the SUPERSIZE portions here. It really kind of makes me sick to my stomach sometimes.

So, I was going to talk about gluttony today but I feel like talking about something else. It's semi-Marxist in context. And forgive me if I have talked about this before.

Technology is alienating us from ourselves. Now, I'm no Luddite but I sometimes worry that sometime in the future, we will have no human contact. We'll just sit in a cube hooked up to machines that satisfy all of our needs. I know I for one do most of my shopping on the internet now. And I communicate much more through e-mail than I do through phone etc.

I read a scifi short story in high school that talked about this. People lived in little rooms surrounded by computers and never had to get up from their chair or have any human contact. (do you remember that, Kelly?)

Anyway, I worry about that with all this e-mail and blogging that I do. I got to know a friend over the internet one time and it was weird when we finally met up again in person. I had developed a picture in my mind of this "internet" person and meeting him in the flesh didn't seem real. It was awkward for awhile. I wonder if that will be the same with my new e-mail buddy. (Hi Gary!)

As much as technology seems to make our lives easier, it is also corrupting us in many ways and alienating us from each other.

I have been reading this new book called THE JANE AUSTEN BOOK CLUB by Karen Joy Fowler and it has a character that sounds very familiar. Check out these excerpts:

"Allegra was a creature of extremes--either stuffed or starving, freezing or boiling, exhausted or electric with energy."

"Allegra...felt things very deeply. It was one of her delightful qualities; she wept with those who wept."

"While Allegra sometimes felt things so deeply you ended up consoling her even when the tragedy was entirely your own."

"In fact, Allegra had instantly recognized herself in the sour Mr. Palmer. She, too, often thought of sharp things to say, and she said them more often than she wished. Mr. Palmer didn't suffer fools and neither did Allegra, but it wasn't something she was proud of. It didn't spring, as Austen suggested, from the desire to appear superior, unless lack of patience was a superior quality."

Yep. That's me. I'm Allegra. In a nutshell.

So, we had our annual Red Dress run yesterday with my hash group. It is always delightful to see these beefy male runners wearing red dresses. I got some great pictures. After that, my friend Chucky (who is beyond generous) took me and two other women to see the new Cirque du Soleil show. We went VIP and it was so much fun! I even had my own umbrella man who walked me between tents in the rain. I felt like a celebrity. The show was wonderful. What a great way to showcase the magnificence of the human body. I wish I could be that strong and flexible.

After my wild weekend, I started thinking more about my Janus lifestyle. If I believed in astrology, I'd say that I'm a true Gemini. I've talked about the dichotomy in my life before but I have a new idea about it. I've always found it difficult to be someone who hangs out at clubs, attends a running and drinking group and has a liberal mentality as well as someone who is tender-hearted, a Sunday school teacher and a proper Junior League lady. This is why I cannot find a Christian man. Because I am too wild for those men. Christianity and my liberal lifestyle don't seem to mix. But then, what if God is using me in a special way. What if I am an example for all those people who are afraid of Christianity because it is too uptight or narrow. What if I'm meant to draw more people in because of my semi-unique way of life and morality? Then again, I'm sure many of my Christian friends would say I'm just trying to justify my sinful lifestyle. But it's still something to think about.

So, we couldn't get into FAHRENHEIT last night. Big surprise. The line went around the block. So, we saw THE TERMINAL instead. I know it has gotten bad reviews but I really liked it. It made me very sad, though. It really demonstrated how hard it can be to be in a foreign country not knowing the language or anyone else. I felt so sad for Tom Hank's character. It was so upsetting to see how immigrants and foreigners were treated in that movie.

So, it's Friday and I already feel like I've had a full weekend. Last night, I went on a blind date with a guy named Brian. He seemed nice but the jury is still out. I went to the local Greek Festival today with some friends and filled up on chicken souvlaki and some really yummy doughy ball things soaked in honey. After that, I headed to Buskerfest downtown to volunteer for the Buntport Theater. (Buskerfest is a festival for street performers) We were manning the beverage booth and tips and 15% of profits went to Buntport. Now, I am getting ready to meet Brian (date #2!) to see FAHRENHEIT 9/11 and I'm really excited about it. I hope it's good. I'll let you all know.

Tomorrow, I work. Sigh. But then my friend Amy is having a birthday party for our friend Marc. Fun! Sunday, we have our annual Red Dress run for the hash. It coincides with Buskerfest and Pride Fest so that should be interesting. Then, my friend Chucky is taking a few of us to see the new Cirque du Soleil show. He got us VIP tickets and I've never done that before so it should be fun. And then, of course, my weekend will end with Sunday night HBO. Don't ever call me on a Sunday night. I won't answer. I don't watch a lot of t.v., but I love my HBO!

So, I'm going to say something a little bit shocking here. Get ready...

The DA VINCI CODE is one of the most overrated books in the history of the written word. I am sick to death of hearing about it and even seeing it.

I read the book in June 2003 before it got really popular. I took it with me to L.A. when I was visiting my friend Maya and read it in about two days. It was a fun fluffy beach read kind of book. Entertaining and fast-paced. But not even close to great literature. There were big inconsistencies, underdeveloped plot lines and overuse of adverbs. It was something on a par with a John Grisham book. But people are treating it as the most life-changing book to come around in recent years. Are we that starved for spiritual fulfillment that we have to look at an action page-turner for enlightenment. Come on, people! Will it really take Oprah to get us back to the classics and great literature? That's pretty sad.

So, I've been reading both of Janice Dickinson's autobiographies. She's an interesting woman. So arrogant and condescending that you want to hate her. But so confident you are kind of impressed by her too. She insists on being herself and I respect that.

Anyway, in NO LIFEGUARD ON DUTY, her friend Alexandra King makes an interesting and amusing observation about men.

"It's like this, see: A man meets a girl and thinks, 'Wow, she is hot and mysterious and exotic and a little dangerous. I am WAY turned on by this bitch.' So they jump into bed and start hanging out and before you know it she's less hot and less exotic and not much of a mystery at all. In fact, she's become completely domesticated. And he looks at her and wonders 'what am I doing with this crashing bore?'"

I think that is how it goes for a lot of us. And that's why long-term relationships can be so tough. Maybe.

My friend Sara sent me this great quote that goes with my blog yesterday:

"Okay, conservatives have changed my mind. Allowing gay marriage, I have been persuaded, will destroy the family, weaken Western civilization, turn America into Sodom and Gomorrah, increase the trade deficit with Japan, endanger the family farm and promote tooth decay. The impeccable logic of conservative opponents is simply too powerful to deny."
--Stephen Chapman, Chicago Tribune columnist

So, you'll have to pardon me as I get out my stepping stool and climb onto my high horse but I'm all fired up about something I found in my mailbox today.

We have a Christian bookstore here called Lifeway. It's a decent store although not as good as some we have in Dallas. They periodically send me circulars in the mail and I got one today. I thought I'd thumb through it and see what new Christian literature was out. But I was flabbergasted to see Dr. James Dobson's new book "Marriage Under Fire." Here's what the blurb says:

"For the past 40 years, the homosexual activist movement has sought to implement a master plan to utterly destroy the family. And in his newest release, Dr. James Dobson addresses the dire ramifications of judicial activism and presents a compelling argument against the legalization of homosexual unions--mobilizing the Christian community to respond to a call of action."

It is stuff like this that makes me embarrassed to be a Christian. First of all, I have never heard of this homosexual master plan. And having quite a few gay friends, I'm sure I would have by now. Second of all, what exactly are Christians afraid of? That the human species will come to an end? We are already overpopulated as it is. Third, the real threat to marriage is promiscuity and lack of monogamy. And those are perpetrated by heterosexuals as well as homosexuals. Wouldn't we rather want to see individuals in loving committed relationships than people out having random meaningless sex? This book and agenda are absolutely ridiculous. Christians should more concerned about things like poverty, poor education and healthcare of children, the fact that we cannot solve the problem of scores of mentally ill people living on the streets, the squalor of low-income housing. Get out of people's bedrooms and start worrying about what is happening on the streets right in front of your eyes, people!

I just finished watching "50 First Dates." I expected it to be horrible but it was actually quite sweet. It made me feel a little melancholy for some reason, though. So I thought I'd surf the internet a bit before bed. I popped in my Everything But the Girl cd "Amplified Heart" for good measure. My friend Brad gave me that cd in college and it is one of my most cherished. The kind of cd that you put away for months or even years and then get the fun of rediscovering it all over again. I've mentioned before how I'd like to have a soundtrack for my life. Wouldn't that be great. Then people could infer your feelings or thoughts by the music that followed you around. My theme song right now is "Extraordinary" by Liz Phair so if y'all hear that song, think of me.

So, the rain continues to come down here. I'm not complaining. We certainly need it. But all this rain is making me sleepy.

I tried Match.com about 2 years ago and thought I'd see if my profile was still there. It was. But it was hidden. Match has changed a lot in the last few years. Now they have all these compatability tests for you to take. I love taking tests and quizzes so I thought I'd give it a try. The most interesting one involved looking at photographs of various male models and choosing which one you found more attractive. I did what I was told and then the assessment basically said I was very picky and stopped jut short of calling me shallow. It said I liked the best-looking of the men. The typical male-model type. Well, duh. If I'm told to only pick men based on looks, I will naturally choose hunky strong-jawed types. But there is a lot more to attractiveness than just looks. As I said in a previous blog, confidence is very sexy. And intelligence. And a sense of humor. There is a very complicated formula for attraction. It's based on a lot more than looks. But if I have to pick on looks alone, I'm sorry, I'm going for Viggo Mortensen and Hugh Jackman. If that makes me shallow, so be it.

Last night, I went to the "Do at the Zoo" fundraiser with Amy. It was delightful. Lots of good food and alcohol and even some cheesy 80's music. We got to see the new Predator Ridge habitat and they had lots of animals out for you to interact with. We even got to see the new baby gorilla.

Today, I'm in a rotten mood. I can't wait to go home and get in bed. I am so sick of dating. I hate it. I think one of the main irritating parts of dating is the falsity of it all. Everyone is on his or her best behavior so it's hard to see how they really are. No one says what they are really thinking so you are left guessing. I wish people would just come right out and say what's on their mind. I think that will be my new policy. Full disclosure. In the meantime, I'm going to channel my inner Lara Croft and focus on other things like gym time. Dating be damned!

Which Office Moron Are You?
Rum and Monkey: jamming your photocopier one tray at a time.

It is raining and thundering outside. And I love it. I think that song "Only Happy When It Rains" was written for me. I certainly sleep better when it rains. I've always loved the rain. Especially when the thunder and lightning are so strong, they shake the house. Woo hoo!

A volunteer that I used to work with at the library named Barbara J. passed away last night. She was such a vibrant interesting person and it's hard to think that she won't be at Virginia Village anymore teaching senior citizens how to use the internet. She couldn't have been older than her early sixties. I look at some senior citizens that come into the library looking frail and old and think about how that is what 60 or 65 looks like. But then I think about people like Barbara J. and my mother and her peer group who are in their late fifties, early sixties and think about how vibrant they are. They are all fit and active and young looking. It's the new way to grow old gracefully. And I don't think it is just a matter of Botox and plastic surgery. I think people are working out, eating better and staying active in their community. And it keeps them young. For a lot of these people, 60 doesn't look like 60 anymore. And maybe that's a good sign for all of us "Quarter plus century" people.

We have a new fundraiser this year in the Junior League. The Kitchen Tour. Basically, you pay a fee and get a ticket which gets you entry into five different homes with fabulous showcase kitchens. Amy and I bought the special ticket that included brunch. We started out at the Welshire Inn for the brunch where we got goodie bags of freebies and a copy of Colorado Homes and Lifestyles magazine which featured the kitchen tour. Then, you could drive to the homes in any order. Each home had either the architect or designer on hand to talk about special innovations etc. Some houses had special coffee, cake or cookie vendors with samples. And different florists did the flowers in each house. It was fun to see how the other half lives. The best house was a historical house that used to be the HQ of Outward Bound. This cute gay couple bought it and renovated it. It was gorgeous! Hard to believe all 10,000 sq ft was for one couple and their son! I told Amy we needed to become friends with that couple because I bet they throw fabulous parties.

I love my house but it would be nice to be in a detached building. I'd love to have a yard or large patio where I could entertain. And have a dog. But I don't think I could maintain that all by myself.

So, Chuck and I went to see the "Chronicles of Riddick" last night. (Don't make fun...that's what nerds do when they date) I'd have to give it a B-. The special effects were good and it was a great role for Diesel but it was often boring. And a little overwrought. But that's how those movies are sometimes. I'm thinking of seeing "Stepford Wives" tonight even though it got a bad review. I have the Junior League Kitchen Tour tomorrow. Hopefully, it will be fun!

I'm facing a sad reality. It's one things for your friends to get married and start having babies. That's great. It's nice to see your friends growing up and settling down. But the problem comes when you can't seem to achieve that and you are the last woman standing. So to speak. Your friends have given up former pursuits like going out to bars and going dancing. And staying up late. Because they have settled down and gotten married. But when you are the only single gal left, you have to give up those things too. Because you can't really do them alone and no one is left to do them with you. I really miss those times of going out and being crazy. And it is really hard to meet anyone when you don't go out because my friends don't really know any single men either. So, I am almost forced into being a homebody now. And I like that most of the time. But lately, it's getting kinda lonely.

Have you ever wanted to own stock in a celebrity? Now you can. Virtually. My friend Vieve turned me on to this new fun game on the interent called Celebdaq where you can buy shares in celebrities and watch their stock (and yours) rise and fall. Andy, I think you might like this one.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/celebdaq/

Too fun! I made this one.

Pro. Frink Chalkboard Generator

Whew! What a week! It is weeks like this one that make me wonder if I can last in my job much longer.

We had only 4 out of 20 computers up on Monday, no internet and no air conditioning. When it hit 95 inside our building, they finally shut us down. But we had already been working for 5 hours so we stunk and were drenched with sweat. Not to mention exhausted. I went to the doctor that day because my wrist is causing me a lot of pain. They decided it wasn't fractured but may be a pulled ligament/tendon which is just as painful. It makes it hard to do my job with this silly brace on.

Monday night, I went out with Chuck (not to be confused with my friend Chucky) to hear a band play. The bands were good but the crowd was young. Really young. It made me feel like we were as old as the hills. The date went pretty well. I'll keep you posted as things develop. Hopefully.

The other bummer about my job is the nagging about our Summer Reading Program. The greed of our customers is staggering. All they want to know is what the kids get. I want to say, "the knowledge that reading is its own reward" but I can't say that. They have all been outraged that we are not giving out Six Flags tickets this year. Hey, ever heard of reading for fun? People make me sick sometimes.